Party like it’s 1999, and 25 more free ways to follow your basic instinct this week

1. Hear about Hollywood’s ritzy olden days as Kate Alcott discusses her latest novel A Touch of Stardust. (Monday)

2. Mondays feel like purgatory anyway, so step them up with We’re Going to Hell Comedy at Bar Chord. (Monday)

3. Get folksy with some singer-songwriters at Union Hall Song Club. (Monday)

4. Videology’s local filmmaker showcase brings you Days of Grey, a dystopian film to remind you things here may not be so bad after all. (Monday)

5. Cope with the trauma of having to be awake on a Monday (and a Tuesday, and a Wednesday) with free coffee from Sugarburg. (Monday-Wednesday)

6. Ongoingness is a diary detailing the terrors joys of motherhood. Learn about all the crap you put your mom through at BookCourt. (Tuesday)

7. Honor whatever Irish heritage you have or want to make up with Irish stout and whiskey specials at No.7 North’s St. Patrick’s Day party. (Tuesday)

8.Or honor it by walking calmly from bar to bar on the Grand Street pub crawl, which involves respectfully sampling the cheap drink deals and not having an awesome roving party. (Tuesday)

9. If you’re seeking a real cultural experience, we hear jokes from Jabari Davis and Nimesh Patel pair well with Red Star Bar’s Irish car bombs and corned beef sandwiches. (Tuesday)

10. Being cultured is usually a good idea, so go pick up a free book by an Irish writer in Sunset Park, Greenpoint, or Atlantic Terminal. (Tuesday)

11. If you’re feeling down, hear musicians sing your feels at Blues on Tues at Freddy’s Bar. (Tuesday)

12. See Aparna Nancherla and Brandon Scott Wolf lay the jokes on thick at Backfat Variety Show. (Tuesday)

13. Comics Blair Socci and Jim Search are bringing the giggles to The Party at Kings County Saloon. (Tuesday)

14. Revel in your glorious art school pretension at Videology’s Bullshit Olympics. (Wednesday)

15. Head to Freddy’s back room to bring it back to the old country with Balkan music and dancing. (Wednesday)

16. Paola Mathe, the founder the clothing line Fanm Djanm, talks about coming to the states from Haiti, launching line, and shares the secrets of the trade at Kinanm Restaurant. (Thursday)

17. Celebrate Gravitron lit-mag’s fifth birthday with party hats and readings at Pete’s Candy Store. (Thursday)

18. Get tips on how to navigate today’s selfie-stuck digital photography landscape from experts at this panel. (Thursday)

19. Bring your most compelling tales and character sketches to Split Personality Comedy & Storytelling at Over the Eight. (Thursday)

20. Pacific Standard’s new comedy show, Stuck Between Stations, evokes such awful subway feelings we’ll probably go in hopes the comics there make us feel a little better. (Thursday)

21. Bring all your springtime smarts to Three Jolly Pigeons Equinox Trivia Night. (Thursday)

22. See character studies, scenes, and songs that comics have had a week to throw together at The Holy Fuck Comedy Hour. (Thursday)

23. Jonathan Lethem has a new book and he’s talking about it at powerHouse Arena. Go check it out, and see if you can get him to admit Ed Norton playing the lead in the Motherless Brookyn movie is a bad idea. (Thursday)

24. Reinforce your butt-kicking skills with a free women’s self-defense class. (Friday)

25. Make up for all the art FOMO you’ve had all year by exploring Greenpoint’s galleries at Greenpoint Gallery Night. (Friday)

26. Please wear underwear to the Bell House’s Party Like It’s 1999: Basic Instinct dance party. (Friday)