1. Complaining about the heat? Seriously, already? Pop in to the Simpsons Club at Nitehawk Cinema and remember the misery of winter courtesy of the Mr. Plow episode (Monday)
2. Deadspin and Gawker contributor Drew Magary will be at Book Court to inform you that yes, bloggers can have and even raise children (Monday)
3. The Society for the Advancement of Social Studies commences their lecturing again, this time on famous rivals throughout history. Not on the program: you versus your constant desire to touch yourself (Tuesday)
4. Satirical reading series Animal Farm moves to a new home, Over the Eight. Presumable they won’t leave the funny at their old home (Tuesday)
5. So it’s come down the this: the Literary Upstart competition has its final reading to see who is the biggest upstart and will walk away with a comically oversized $250 check (Tuesday)
6. Author Leanna Shapton reads passages from her book about swimming at Pilgrim Surf and Supply. Thematically appropriate! (Wednesday)
7. Mostly Awake, which was filmed in Bushwick and involves the off-kilter adventures of its protagonist in Bushwick will be screened at Brooklyn Fireproof, which is in…Bushwick. We sense a trend (Wednesday)
8. Rakim rocks Red Hook Park for SummerStage (Wednesday)
9. And then Ty Segall does it the next day (Thursday)
10. We’re having a party! Put on your finest jorts and come drink $3 Tecates and dance with us at Bedford Hill! And maybe make out with some of us! (Thursday)
11. Are you a creative professional or freelancer tired of being represented by Lionel Hutz and Barry Zuckerkorn types? Get advice from a Bob Loblaw or Blue-haired lawyer type at Brooklyn Launchpad’s Legal Launch (Thursday)
12. It’s finally nice enough to walk around and look at art, so wander through some DUMBO galleries at this month’s First Thursday (Thursday)
13. Hang with some of the authors who have been published by single-serving story publication One Story at Greenlight Books (Friday)
14. Get the pants scared off you at Videology at the screening of Surveillance. Or keep the pants on, we don’t actually know how scary it is (Friday)
15. The Brick Theater is previewing their sound scape Festival with a free show and cabaret party. Leave your earplugs and sense of prudishness of home (Friday)