Bushwick, Crown Heights relative bargains if you’re buying

Someday you might want to settle down and buy an apartment. Somewhere you can put down roots and grow old and bitter and hateful. Doing that in Brooklyn feels like a pipe dream, but there’s still some places to look that are lagging behind the ever-escalating real estate prices around here. Specifically, Brick Underground found that home prices in Bushwick, Crown Heights and Sunset Park are all cheaper than the $515,000 median sale prices of homes sold around Brooklyn.

Yes, even with Zosia Mamet’s million-dollar purchase of a place in Bushwick, the median sale price of an apartment there is still $360,000. And while we vociferously disagree with the real estate experts quoted there that Bushwick is “on the cusp of being up-and-coming,” that it needs more nice restaurants and that nightlife and art galleries aren’t there yet, there’s no arguing with the data that says apartments there are still somewhat cheap.

Elsewhere, Crown Heights and Sunset Park apartments were found to be cheaper than the media, coming in at $356,000 and $294,000 respectively. Those are also great neighborhoods that aren’t plagued by enormous high-rise condos, and they have nice amenities like tacos and community gardens threatened by developers like out of an inspiring movie.

Of course, to afford to buy a place, you’d still need decent credit and sixty or seventy thousand dollars for a downpayment. Which you can get if you work hard, or in a lifehack that we discovered, you can just get hit by a car. Just make sure the person who hit you doesn’t have cut-rate insurance.