1. We were going to suggest you go to this Smiths party at The Bell House to find yourself a Charming Man, but decided against it since that joke isn’t funny anymore. (Friday)
2. Dance to free indie slash synthpop in tandem at Tandem Bar. (Friday)
3. If you can hear anything over the sound of your self viciously devouring free pizza, you’ll probably enjoy the comics at Videology’s Comedy Killed the Video Star. (Friday)
4. See what the artsy kids at Brooklyn College have been up to at the Spring MFA Open Studios. (Friday)
5. If your Zimbabwean art supply is running low, reload at this Shona African Sculpture Benefit Sale, which helps the local families CAMBA works with. (Friday)
6. The kids these days are all about mashups, so stay ahead of the curve with some carnatic jazz with Arun Ramamurthy at The Way Station. (Friday)
7. Experience real-time choreography with interactive music and visuals at MODULAR. (Friday-Saturday)
8. Break the rules and spend your afternoon checking out photos from artists like Tina Vaden and Logan Rollins at Brooklyn at Night. (Saturday)
9. Bring your aristocrat friends to Stand and Deliver: Live Fast, Laugh Hard, Leave a Good Looking Investment Portfolio at Freddy’s Bar. (Saturday)
10. Laugh with (or at if you’re feeling mean) Garrett Barnes, Peggy O’Leary, and more comics at Greenpoint Comedy Night at WORD. (Saturday)
11. Take your leader to Emblem Free Comedy Show: Aliens Do Not Exist at Ange Noir Cafe for good clean terrestrial fun. (Saturday)
12. Maintain your classiness cover with live jazz from The Doug White Quintet at Williamsburg Music Center. (Saturday)
13. You outta know the words to every 90s song at Union Hall’s hip-hop and R&B sing-along, but if you don’t they’ll be projected for you. (Saturday)
14. Throw your vegan Kosher diet out the window for National Cheesesteak Day and annihilate a free sandwich from Delilah’s. (Saturday)
15. See Orange is the New Black author Piper Kerman and The Man Who Outgrew His Prison Cell author Joe Loya discuss the American prison system at the Brooklyn Museum. (Saturday)
16. Learn all about BitBots and littleBits at Open Source Gallery. (Saturday-Sunday)
17. Usher the rides at Coney Island into the season by being among the first people of the year to ride them. If you get there early enough you could ride Deno’s Wonder Wheel free. (Sunday)