1. See what X-ACTOly the Brooklyn Collage Collective has been up to at their exhibition Volume 002 (Cut & Paste). (Monday)
2. Sharpen your No. 3 pencils and learn how standardized tests are melting students’ brains from the author of The Test. (Monday)
3. Tie your hair in its first Side Ponytail of the year and hear some comedy at Over the Eight. (Monday)
4. The Franklin Park Reading Series launches another season of story time with Short Fiction Night. (Monday)
5. Going to Hell Comedy at Bar Chord sounds like our kind of humor. (Monday)
6. If you like horror movies, go learn what’s so scary about GMOs Plow to Plate Food Series’ screening of Genetic Roulette. (Tuesday)
7. We’re as excited about free dumplings at Devour Hour as you are, but please don’t choke from laughing once the comics take the stage. (Wednesday)
8. Have a couple beers at Annex with the makers from the Greene Grape Annex’s winter pop-up market and see if they won’t agree to bring you on as a do-nothing partner who still makes money. (Wednesday)
9. Wish Sailor Jerry, the father of the modern tattoo, a happy birthday with plenty of music and rum and free tattoos at Shayz Lounge. (Wednesday)
10. New York Magazine and Vulture editor Adam Sternbergh will be reading from his new novel Near Enemy at BookCourt. (Wednesday)
11. See how local innovators are shaping The Future and maybe show off your own fancy gadgets at Next Top Makers Brooklyn Pop Up. (Wednesday)
12. See the most promising comedy around at It’s Sooo Up and Coming. (Thursday)
13. There’s fancy porn provocative art at at SHAG, courtesy of The Dirty Gentleman. (Friday)
14. Bitches Brew at Lucey’s Lounge has a varied enough comedy show to accommodate your delicate attention span. (Friday)
15. Head On dance party is pitting Motown against Studio 54, which hopefully means more vicious dance moves and less shameless drug use. (Friday)