1. Make this Friday the 13th worth remembering with a $13 tattoo from any of these fine tattooerys. (Friday)
2. Side Ponytail will get a little help from Matteo Lane of Comedy Central and Christi Chiello of Girl Code to make sure you do your Friday the 13th-Valentine’s Day mashup right. (Friday)
3. Bitches Brew Comedy has music by Reformed Whores, so we’re sure there won’t be any potty mouth from the comics to worry about. (Friday)
4. If you really want a Valentine but still don’t have one yet, get a helping hand from some supernatural powers at Hoodoo Your Love: Love (and Lust) Spells Around the World. (Friday)
5. Celebrate magic and friendship at Ponycon, if only to see how spectacular your Tinder options are there. (Friday-Sunday)
6. Take a chance on the cool raffles and hopefully cool suitors at Get Lucky! Make Out Big. (Saturday)
7. Dress in black and enjoy a Sailor Jerry open bar, silent film projections, and lots of dancing at Passenger Bar’s My Bloody Valentine’s Day. (Saturday)
8. Dance, eat chocolate, and go wild in the kissing booth at #BushwickLove Party for a cause, which benefits kids in Nepal who we can only hope would have dance parties to help us out if the need arose. (Saturday)
9. The Way Station’s I Know There is Love Valentine’s Day party features Karen’s Smutty Mind, an artist of our new favorite genre, “filthy original folk songs.” (Saturday)
10. The ladies from film podcast Bonnie and Maude talk about the crushes, flings, sex scenes, and the music that’s been behind their favorite scenes at Pause the Tape. (Saturday)
11. Start your Valentine’s Day right with some oysters and gumbo at The Diamond, because you know what they say about oysters amirite? (Saturday)
12. Show Vegan Shop-Up some love on their fifth anniversary by stuffing your face at Five of Hearts. (Saturday)
13. Keep it too real this Valentine’s Day with hilariously tragic stories of heartbreak at The Rejection Show. (Saturday)
14. Find the rebound of your dreams at the Broken Hearted Ball, where all the songs will be about breaking up or hooking up. (Saturday)
15. If your view on V-Day is f*ck it, come to this dancing-not-kissing party. NO COUPLES ALLOWED. (Saturday)
16. Books won’t crush and betray you, so let a librarians set you up with one at Love a Library Day. (Saturday)
17. If you’ve really screwed up with that special someone and a box of chocolate just won’t cut it, redeem yourself with a chocolate factory tour. (Saturday)
18. One way to make it a Valentine’s Day you’ll never forget? How about a juggalo-themed V-Day party? (Saturday)
19. Bring a picture of your ex to Friends and Lovers’ Sappy Hour and you get a free shot. And then stick around to listen to some music and find a future ex. (Saturday)
20. See a macho ex-convict come to terms with his gay son in La Mission at Brooklyn Beso. (Sunday)
21. Be cool and cultured with a little help from Cortelyou Jazz Jam at Bar Chord. (Sunday)