Teens: Brooklyn promoter will do your homework if you go to his shows

Teens! Put down your sext phones and heed the words of your elders. Well, not you conventionally pretty, popular teens. We mean you there, the ones who don’t quite fit in. Don’t waste your time trying to fit in with those idiots you go to high school with, none of them will kiss you. Instead, start going to shows in the city and get a head start on being cool in college. Got homework to do? One saintly Brooklyn promoter will do it for you so that you can go to his all-ages shows.Promoter JMC Aggregate (Christian name: Jordan Michael Iannucci) is a former editor at Showpaper, member of the Silent Barn and booker of shows that sounds fun, knows how important it is for teenagers to get access to fun shows. But he also knows you have homework. So, here’s part of the offer he’s made on his website:

So here is my offer to you, teens. If you promise to go to more shows then I promise to make an attempt to do your homework. Don’t have time to go into Brooklyn because you have homework? Bring it, and I will do it. I’m best at math and history, but I also have smart phone + Internet.

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Going to shows is important! It is even more important if you would rather be going to shows than doing homework. However, refusing to do the things people tell you to do will only make everyone pissed at you, which is a severe detriment to partying. Trust me, because people get pissed at me all the time, and it makes my life way way harder than it ought to be.

But with that said: high school is bullshit and I want you to see art.

So, teens, text me, and I’ll do your homework.

Seriously.

We got in trouble all the time for never doing homework in high school, so we highly recommend teens take Iannucci up on his offer. Especially because homework sucks and rock and roll is the best.