1. Gowanus ’73 is a play about the old Brooklyn that existed before all you hipster transplants ruined it and forced out all the murder and crooked cops and violent drug dealers. (Friday)
2. It’s not that surprising that Brooklyn is hosting a country music festival. What is surprising is that there were eight before this one. (Friday – Sunday)
3. Show Show, a new comedy show at The West doesn’t promise to be anything more than a comedy show. It’s refreshing truth in advertising. (Friday)
4. The organizers of the Cranberry Street Festival claim their pet parade is world famous, and who are we to argue? Maybe they have dogs on stilts? (Saturday)
5. You’ve been looking to rehab your image among trees ever since being caught on tape saying that “they all look alike” to you. Perhaps this tree identification walk can help. (Saturday)
6. The Freelancers Union sponsors free yoga in McCarren Park. Look for the people exchanging business cards while standing on their heads. (Saturday)
7. Gowanus Girls is a brand new indie market featuring female designers and food makers selling their wares, not a failed reality show on Oxygen about tough-talking lifelong best friends that live near the Bell House. (Saturday)
8. As long as you’re in Gowanus, why not tour all the artist studios that won’t exist once the Whole Foods opens and drives up all the rents? (Saturday)
9. Finally, some people willing to embrace the end of the world instead of moaning and crying about it like they have something to live for. (Saturday)
10. The Church Avenue Fair, not to be outdone by the Cranberry Street Festival, will actually let you adopt a pet and bring it home, not just watch it pass by in a marching band. (Sunday)
11. You’ve been looking to recruit for your band of female bank robbers/surfers, and where’s a better place than a women’s surf workshop and party? (Sunday)
12. The description for Mike Birbiglia’s show at Union Hall says not to wear a tux, but they might be trying to psych you out. So wear two, just in case. (Sunday)
13. The Walking Dead comes back for Season Three. And just when your friends stopped wanting to murder you for always complaining that it’s different from the comic. (Sunday)
14. Support anti-hunger efforts by eating your weight in hummus. (Sunday)