1. Celebrate the holiday with an edge of (funny) doom at standup show an Apocalypse Wow Christmas (Monday)
2. Mondays will be just a little funkier thanks to the Motown on Mondays DJs spinning the best of soul, disco and R&B at Brooklyn Bowl (Monday)
3. Brokelyn alum Sue Smith has Free Cable for you, but it’s a comedy show, not a way to watch Girls without paying. Eh, at least this way you aren’t waiting around all day for a technician (Monday)
4. Feel much better about your romantic struggles and fights with loved ones by hearing author Kevin Sampsell share the tale he wrote about a five-year troubled romance. Unless you have a troubled six-year romance (Tuesday)
5. Six people will read stories at the Cameo Gallery, about keeping or telling secrets, but two will be untrue, at the emotionally manipulative My Lips are Sealed (sort of) (Tuesday)
6. Three Brooklyn writers who have collectively seemed to have written everywhere, from The Atlantic to Guernica to Harper’s are reading some non-fiction at Hullabaloo, so unless you’re suddenly more accomplished, come listen (Tuesday)
7. You’ve consumed enough beer to have at least learned some interesting facts about it, so put that knowledge to use at beer geek trivia (Tuesday)
8. You’ve also seen every Hollywood Christmas movie, so let that pop culture pummeling earn you a $40 beer tab at the Trash Bar’s XXXmas Trivia (Wednesday)
9. The Internet Disagrees is not only the standard mob mentality for just about everything nowadays, it’s also an improv troupe coming to Branded, whose comedy is hopefully as good as their name (Wednesday)
10. Country weirdos O’Death are coming to Brooklyn Bowl. Unlike the actual Death, they won’t fix your feet til you can’t walk or lock your jaw til you can’t talk if you come to them (Wednesday)
11. See a demonstration of some camping gear that’s useful in winter camping and drink free whiskey until you’re drunk enough to buy it at Hatchet Outdoor Supply Co. (Thursday)
12. Occasional Brokelyn HQ and bar we love South 4th Bar is having a party to celebrate turning 7, or in the much less adopted unit of time, one dog year (Thursday)
13. Fireman-based horror film No Man’s Ghost is having its Brooklyn premiere at The West, so go and finally find something to justify your ridiculous fear of firefighters (Thursday)
14. Get a gander at the kind of art that people with jobs in the animation industry make when they’re not working at their day jobs at the opening of Too Art for TV 7 (Friday)
15. Go see the American Geographical Society award a medal for outstanding work on the dynamic relationship between human culture and natural resources, because what? When else can you see that (Friday)
16. Or if you prefer something cruder, attend a poetry fuckfest at Mellow Pages (Friday)
17. Freddy’s is adding a show to their already overstuffed comedy lineup with Stand and Deliver, so go check it out, because it’s not like there’s such a thing as too much free comedy in the world (Friday)