Fun map shows you can’t afford a one-bedroom

I think we can safely say that at this point in the real estate game, “cheap” is a term of relativity. We’ve always maintained that reasonable per-person rent means $1,000 or less—and if you keep up with our bi-monthly apartment posts, you know that places like that still totally exist. But Curbed just posted their latest map revealing median rental costs of various neighborhoods (courtesy of housing website Zumper), and it’s not looking good. The question is, is this map more or less depressing than the map showing Park Slope will be beachfront property?

As far as jaw-dropping atrocities go, Williamsburg is officially a more expensive nabe to live in than the East Village. And Dumbo is more expensive than the West Village. There goes the old neighborhood(s). On the bright side, maybe the illusion of Brooklyn affluence is what’s really enhancing your dating life.

Not surprisingly, Canarsie leads the Brooklyn pack at a median $1,290 for a 1-bedroom apartment. And if commuting to the city isn’t a priority for you then more power to you. There’s good beer far away from Manhattan too, after all!

We’re more than a little cranky about the use of the phrase “prime Brooklyn neighborhoods” when talking about affordability, though. Curbed qualifies the cheap-yet-desirable pack as Park Slope, Gowanus, Boerum Hill and Clinton Hill. That means Crown Heights, Bed-Stuy, Windsor Terrace and Sunset Park all got shafted from the category—to say nothing of East Flatbush or anything deeper south and east.

So the upshot of yet another real estate map is pretty much just: always have roommates, and despite everything you do real estate will continue to disappoint you. At least all those dizzying rental numbers actually make squatting in Prospect Park look pretty tempting.