Hello, all, and happy meeting you again! It is I, the Grand Job Czar of Brokelyn, here to point you to the most exquisite jobs available in New York City. You may be asking, “Why should I trust these magnificent-sounding jobs being thrust at me by this large man in a tinfoil hat?” Well, first off, it’s a crown, and secondly, because ever since I was a small child, all I ever wanted to do with my time was to help people find the most bitchenest places to work possible, and that’s exactly what I do now! So, if I could do it for me, then I can certainly do it for you too, and checking out these awesome job listings below is a great first step.
When someone willingly goes to a hot, desert wasteland to get shot at and blown up, all so that we don’t have to, that’s a very nice gesture. If you maybe feel like you want to return the gesture a little bit, then consider taking one of the many jobs IAVA, the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America, are trying to fill. While there are many great positions to be had, I’d personally recommend the Community Coordinator position they’ve got open. The position involves helping to set up a veteran-oriented social network, a lot of research and basically trying to learn how to make this group that’s already great at helping people even better at it. The requirements are pretty basic, with just 1-2 years managing an online community with some optional coding and Photoshop acting as a cherry on the sundae. Once you get the job you can finally say you’re putting your constant social media use to heroic tasks instead of cat photos.
Look down at your shirt. Now, at your table. Now, at your adorable cross-stitching of popular rap lyrics hanging above your doorway. If you happened to make all three of those, get to Etsy, because they’re hiring a Maker Specialist. The position keeps a certain vagueness about it, but it sounds like a combination of keeping tabs on what’s in the marketplace, helping sellers with any questions, and trying to bring new makers in, so basically just frolicking with all the wood-carvers and weavers all day and fielding any questions they might have. The requirements for this job just include three years of “creative”, so just about anyone’s in the running, and obviously the perks for this job are through the roof (which you can also learn to build yourself at their Etsy School). They ask for a unique resume, and they do include their address, so maybe sending a crochet list of reasons why you’re the best isn’t out of the question?
Interested in design and engineering? Interested in giant hotels littered with beer halls and expensive clubs? Ideally you said yes to both of those, and if so, then congratulations, you’re in the running for the new Design and Engineering Assistant position that has just opened up at The Standard Hotel. You’ll be responsible for a lot of different tasks coming in from both the design and engineering columns, but the listing also don’t include any kind of minimums, so if you read through the list and think to yourself “I could assist with that,” then go for it. Say what you will about the clientele of the Standard Hotels, but their design is almost always on-point, so working for a team like that seems like a great way to get some real-world experience. Just keep in mind that whatever you assist in designing, anything at all, someone at some point in the near future will suggest doing lines off it some night.
Hey, are you that person I seem to run into every party who can’t seem to stop talking about how you were a DJ in college? Would you like to live those glory days again? Well, too bad because you’re getting old, but if you’d like the next best thing, CMJ is hiring a Radio Relations Manager! The job is basically being the go-to between CMJ and their listening community, along with doing a few other things to get college radio to play awesome music and getting bands from “playing on subway platforms” to “forgetting what a subway platform is because they only take limos.” Take all that, plus the fact that you get all the free concert tickets your poor little heart can handle, and no matter how you play it, this sounds like a good deal.
Can you stand to be around children? If you said yes without hesitation, then maybe this next job is: GrowNYC is looking for a Youth Education Coordinator to teach children how to eat things without the guidance of cartoon animals. The position involves teaching children about agriculture, eating locally, cooking, and farmer’s markets, because you’re never too young to be better than other people. Beyond that, the job means that you’ll be coordinating the tours, setting up partnerships between the farmers and thee schools, making the literature, managing the budget, and handling the hiring and firing of interns/volunteers/underlings. While it’s a fair amount of work, securing the fact that the next generation won’t turn out to be gigantic lard-buckets is always worth the effort, and we thank you for your valiant quest.
Because when you were young and you promised yourself you’d work in a big spaceship, and because currently you want to work in a big damn spaceship, you may want to hear about this: Big Spaceship, the hyper-Brooklyn digital agency, is looking for an Associate Editor to provide them words to fill out their memes on why you should buy their products. The company is tech oriented, and so if you’ve got any experience writing about the newest and the nextest wave of the future, it’ll certainly lend a hand here. Beyond that, they’re gonna need some published articles written by you, a list of any weird talents you might have, and everything that makes you a person in one sentence. However, if you do land the gig then you are welcomed into the doors of that most-vied for working environment: the tech PR agency. Be prepared to scooter your ass past rows of free beers and bouncy balls for chairs, take irresponsible amounts of time off, and whatever the hell “hack day” is. Basically, if your younger self were to see you describing cool tech stuff while bouncing around swigging beer, he’d be okay with it.
Finally, it’s that time of year again where if you’ve got the journalism bug, you can put on your press hat and try to fight your way into one of the openings in the Huffington Post Editoral Fellowship program. Here you get to try out working at the Huffington Post for six months and see how you fit, filing stories and following the news, and the whole thing is paid, so it’s not a waste of your time either way. So, if you think that you’re into journalism and being bossed around by women with weird accents, but you’re not really sure about it, then here’s an excellent way to test the waters.