On Monday, writer Nicole Hong penned a piece for the Wall Street Journal about how women are fed up with their husbands wearing cargo shorts. This stirred up controversy among readers, igniting the Cargo Shorts Wars of 2016, as Hong is calling them, which only further escalated on Twitter after this Washington Post hot take shed light on the country-wide schism that exists between jorts people and cargo shorts people.
We at Brokelyn expressed ages ago that we are pro-jorts. We’ve taken a firm stance and there’s nothing that could sway us. But for those of you who are still up in arms about what you should or shouldn’t stick your legs into, might we suggest looking to man’s best friend for guidance, as has been humanity’s pastime for tens of thousands of years? Ask yourself, what side would a dog take in this hot debate?
We did the leg-work, scouring Instagram to find out how the shorts struggle manifests in the dog world. To get a fresh, other-species perspective on this deeply contentious issue, we selected canine contenders from Team Jorts and Team Cargo Shorts to answer the question, who wore it better? Behold, dogs in jorts, vs. dogs in cargo shorts:
THE COMPETITORS FOR TEAM JORTS:
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THE COMPETITORS FOR TEAM CARGO SHORTS:
The only cargo shorts that a dog would be caught dead wearing, across the entire Internet and the world—and not even as pants!—is this pair, repurposed into a D.I.Y. vest:
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That settles it! What’s right for a dog is right for a man is right for America. Let’s wear our jorts proudly and never talk about cargo shorts again!