Hide the babysitter’s death and 10 other free things to do this week

1. Get some Hot Texts at The Way Station. By which we mean some cool poetry, and a free book if you’re among the first five people there. For the other hot texts, you’re on your own (Tuesday)

2. Your beach body might be in order, but there’s always Backfat, the comedy and variety show. This month’s edition has Sam Grittney, Abbi Crutchfield and more funny people (Tuesday)

3. See pictures of the 1964 World’s Fair, and the ways people got there, at the Transit Museum. And maybe learn about a thing called “hope for the future,” which people foolishly had back then (Wednesday)

4. Dirty communists Jacobin will be at BookCourt, letting you know what European socialists are up to these days (Wednesday)

5. Learn everything you ever wanted to know about the knish and eat a knish too, at the Brooklyn Public Library’s party for Laura Silver’s Knish: In Search of the Jewish Soul Food (Wednesday)

6. Kate Payne will be at Greenlight to talk about The Hip Girls Guide to the Kitchen, which can teach you how to make your own food, for less. Sounds useful if you need to only go to free events (Thursday)

7. The Open Source Gallery is hosting How To Build A Fire, a storytelling series that has stories from regular folks, just like you. Although their stories are actually interesting, unlike yours (Thursday)

8. Relive some memories and see Don’t Tell Mom The Babysitter’s Dead for free, before the inevtiable remake gets made and you complain about your childhood being ruined (Thursday)

9. Tom Robbins is taking some time off from telling tales of fictional weirdos and is moving into the memoir game. See him do it when he reads from Tibetan Peach Pie at powerHouse Arena (Thursday)

10. Head to The Living Gallery to hang some art you made, so that you can prove everyone who said you’d never make it wrong, at BYO Art Night (Friday)

11. Fear Town, USA is a the Wet Hot American Summer of slasher movies, and has a cast made up of UCB all-stars, so missing out on seeing it for free is a scary bad idea. Get it? We slay us (Friday)