X
    Categories: Shopping

Happy 99-cent store Mother’s Day!

Between the mothball-scented air freshener and the lead-dipped pacifiers, 99-cent stores do have their charms. (Foremost among them, the $1.99 pregnancy tests, and assorted other treasures here.) Not ones to let dubious manufacturing practices stand in the way of a bargain, we wondered: amid the off-gassing shower curtains and scratchy washcloths, could we find something mom would love at our local 99 cent store?

The answer, after a brief scouting expedition, is a resounding “not really,” but we did find a few things she maybe might not hate, starting with some yuppie-hued kitchen utensils in orange, the universal symbol of urbane good taste since 2002. If you squint, these kitchen utensils look like… better ones. More desperation-only ideas include a hairnet wardrobe, wine goblets of thick glass and no design distinction and the following other “finds”:

POLYESTER DRESSES, $5.99 and up. Only recommended if you’re sleeping with mom.

SEED PACKETS: Festive, springy and only 59 cents an envelope. But be prepared to wind up spending the day helping to plant them.

MISC. PLASTIC WARES: We know the South Pacific is swirling with plastic giblets, but have you ever seen an albatross choke on a two-quart bowl? Moms can never have enough plastic food storage, even the kind you probably shouldn’t put food anywhere near.

VASES: Put some silk orchids in these not-too-shabvy vases and she’ll always feel like she’s at Hunan Garden.

In sum, unless your mom has exceedingly low standards, you shouldn’t count on the 99-cent store to solve your Mother’s Day gift dilemma. Better to try elsewhere — like an auto-parts store or bodega.

Faye :Faye Penn is the founder of Brokelyn and publisher of the Brooklyn and Queens Beer Books, the Brooklyn Cocktail Book and other stuff you ain't seen yet. She lives in Ditmas Park. Get at her at brokelyn@gmail.com