Go deep: Where to catch the Super Bowl this Sunday

The problem with throwing a Super Bowl party in Brooklyn apartments is one of simple logistics: it requires space you don’t have. Even if your Bushwick loft does have the capacity to host a couple dozen drunks and a fifteen-foot hoagie, chances are you and your nine roommates haven’t gone in for basic cable, and maybe even a couple of them loathe sports and the average loud, loyal football fan. You’ve already shelled out to learn about football, so what do you do to keep your investment from being a waste? As with so many Brooklyn conundrums, where-to-watch-the-Super-Bowl is a question best answered with a trip to the bar. Here’s a list of spots showing the Big Game.

DBA
113 North 7th Street, Williamsburg
(718)218-6006

Though my Saints were penalized this year for being too badass and thus robbed of the chance to treat the Super Bowl as a home game, it’s still being held in The Super Dome, so come check out who’s winning on one of this NOLA-bred bar’s 5 screens. Catered by hot new pop-up Bunny’s North-South (serving such twists-on-tradition as chicken pot pie chowder and zucchini fries), a $20 special gets you a beer and full run of the buffet.  Table reservations available for parties of three or more, otherwise it’s open house.

South 4th Bar
90 South 4th Street, Williamsburg
(718)218-7478

No one rocks a horrible moustache quite like Ravens QB Joe Flacco, but you’re welcome to challenge the champ at South 4th’s 6th annual Moustache Bash. All kinds of hair-friends are allowed to compete, but seriously, the only way you’d look more ridiculous than this guy is if you walked in with only half a moustache. And we’ve seen someone go that route so…you just might win, dude. They also have free food and $4 pints of Sam Adams and Angry Orchard, plus a Super Bowl box: for those who might not be in the know, this is a form of gambling recreation in which you invest five dollars points to purchase acquire a box predicting the final score, from which you might win several hundred dollars points.

Pacific Standard
82 4th Avenue, Boerum Hill
(718)858-1951

49’ers fans sure have gotten insufferable, haven’t they? I mean, San Fran began being an annoying sports town when the Giants won some games on the strength of Barry Bonds’ totes-natural shoulders, but you hardly even saw a red-gold color scheme when Mike Singletary was telling Alex Smith how Jesus would throw a football, and now…everywhere. If you’re amongst the Chosen, then this Cali-centric bar is probably your best bet to share in smugness, at least until Ray Lewis uses his bionic arm to annihilate Colin Kaepernick and crush his thorax. Then you can love-and-throw-aside that dude as Smith comes back in to call a huddle while trying to suppress his giggling delight.

The Woods
48 South 4th Street, Williamsburg
(718)782-4955

The spot you point to in South Williamsburg when Europeans ask you where they can find a dance club is hosting their 2nd annual Burlesque halftime show, brought to you by the ladies of The Love Show. We like how metaphorical burlesque can get, so here’s hoping one gal comes dressed in a Jets jersey and the only thing she strips off are increasingly thin layers of pride. Plus, $1 pickle backs for every touchdown scored, and bacon sticks from Landhaus, a perennial Smorgasburg favorite.

The Trash Bar
256 Grand Street, Williamsburg
(718)599-1000

Proving that priorities are priorities, the Vineyard Church that meets every Sunday at the Trash Bar is suspending their regular 6pm service to host a party for a true American Holy Day. Sure the two TVs up front are beat to shit, but you can chow down on some homemade grub in the back where a projector will be showing the game in all its glory. Just try not to wonder what the Lord is thinking about His gospel being suspended for an athletic Cain & Abel story, or why everything you touch is so sticky.

Pine Box Rock Shop
12 Grattan Street, Bushwick
(718)366-6311

Pine Box is one of the few football-approving venues in Bushwick, and they’ll be showing the game on multiple screens while celebrating their 3rd annual Super Bowl Chilli Party and offering all day happy hour prices. Plus, once the two champion teams come screaming through their respective tunnels of awesome, the bar will reveal its new beer line-up, being sure to include multiple offerings from San Francisco and Baltimore breweries.

The Warsaw
261 Driggs Avenue, Greenpoint
(718)387-0505

Warsaw is isn’t fucking around with this football game. The front bar will be for first-come-first-serve folk, but the real draw will be the stage area, where they’ve teamed up with Roberta’s to present a huge “cinema screen” showing the game, to be flanked by two more modest projectors putting the game on opposite walls.  Tables are reservation-only, but to really go hog wild and feel like you’re in the stadium, go the skybox or private room route with up to 25 or 30 of your friends.

Good Co.
10 Hope Street, Williamsburg
(718)218-7191

OK, so it might snow on Sunday. That’ll just make the barbecue from Breezy’s barbecue truck taste that much better after you’ve trudged outside to get it. Good Co. will also be dragging out the projector and jumbo screen for this one, as it is after all, the Big Game.

Chez Lola
387 Myrtle Avenue, Clinton Hill
(718)581-1484

The Super Bowl is of course as American as American gets, followed by a burger and a beer. What? No, that’s not German, shut up. So Clinton Hill’s Chez Lola will celebrate by combining the two, showing the game and offering a $13 burger and Radeberger special. OK, yeah, that all sounds really German.

Buschenschank
320 Court Street, Cobble Hill
(718)237-0325

Speaking of things that sound German, this Italian/German tavern is lugging in TVs for you to watch the game on, because it’s not like anyone is going to want to talk to each other on Sunday. You can also call them about their open bar packages or reserving a spot for 8 or more folks, so you can bring your whole offensive line with you while you watch on TV, Eli.

Freddy’s
627 5th Avenue, South Slope
(718)768-0131

Why let the participants in the game hog all the glory? They’ve only worked their whole lives towards this moment. But you woke up in the morning and made some crazy good chili, where’s your trophy? It’s at Freddy’s, in the from of a free bottle of Jameson, given to the winner of their Super Bowl chili cook-off. Oh, and they’ll be showing the game too, so you have something to eat your chili to.

Brooklyn Winery
213 North 8th Street, Williamsburg
(347)763-1506

Does wine go with football? Sure, why not, it’s alcohol. Brooklyn Winery is rolling out a 116″ screen and 5.1 surround sound, so you might literally be blown away when Queen Beyonce of Brooklyn and her backup singers, Destiny’s Children, unleash their pipes during the halftime show.

The Brazen Head
228 Atlantic Avenue, Cobble Hill
(718)488-0430

A bar that’s a great place to watch the game without being overwhelmingly bro-y, The Brazen Head’s Super Bowl party will offer both vegetarian and carnivore chili and Super Bowl boxes, so you should have a couple things to distract you in case the game turns into an awful defensive slog.

Mullholland’s
312 Grand Street, Williamsburg
(718)486-3473

This is a sports bar, and for a long time was the only true-ass sports bar in Williamsburg. Of course it’s going to show the game, and the deals might not deviate too much from their regular game day offerings, but it’s included on this list because it’s where you’ll find the real football-heads, the ones who came out for nearly every game until their squad got eliminated, and who shall return to cheer on one or another of the contenders, often voicing their opinions and airing their personal grievances against said contenders. It’s where you’ll hear the most jokes about Lewis’s (alleged) criminal activity, or comparisons between the Harbaugh’s coaching styles. It’s also where you’ll probably find the most Ravens fans, since in my research I haven’t found any Ravens-centric Brooklyn bars, as that team only really exists in the minds of desperate Bawlmore residents. Prove me wrong, Ravens fans.  Where y’all at and where y’all going?