1. Start the weekend off with the right kind of decadence: a champagne tasting (Friday)
2. Take solace in your loneliness with stories about other people’s terrible dates, at the Ex-Files (Friday)
3. A candy-themed party promising sensory seduction. On a Friday night. The week before Valentine’s Day. Don’t forget the birth control, kids! (Friday)
4. Crazy $ince Da 90$ is a dance party open to everyone, even if you’ve been unbalanced since the early 80s (Friday)
5. Cruelty-free is for lovers, or so say the folks behind the vegan Valentine’s Day pop-up shop at Pine Box Rock Shop (Saturday)
6. Oh, what’s this, another champagne tasting? Yes please (Saturday)
7. Pick up a gift for your sweetie or someone you’d like to be your sweetie or your fake sweetie at the Greenpointers’ second annual Valentine’s Day market (Saturday)
8. Just in time for your New Year’s withdrawal, it’s the Chinese New Year! There may not be a Chinese version of Glug, but you can totally eat some free dumplings at duckduck (Saturday)
9. Hey Queen, it’s the Age of Aquarius, ya heard? Why don’t you dance about it? (Saturday)
10. The Bushwick Ginger Social is back, for all your whiskey and homegrown ginger needs. Which is all your needs, really. Which is to say, we need whiskey and homegrown ginger to survive (Saturday)
11. If all this talk about love is making you uncomfortable, throw some blood on it, with Carrie, at Videology (Saturday)
12. Adopt an adorable fuzzy kitty, right before Valentine’s Day (Saturday and Sunday)
13. In other vegan desert news, the Bell House’s vegan bake-off is this weekend. Finally, judge vegans on something other than what you consider a weird eating fad (Sunday)
14. It’s time for sexy trivia at Pacific Standard. Because you’ve been wanting to add to your sex toy collection for awhile anyway (Sunday)
15. Head to Quiz Show and compete for the only thing that matters: respect from your peers drink tickets (Sunday)
16. Take a tour of the terrible people buried at Greenwood Cemetery, people who don’t deserve love. Not like you (Sunday)