St. Paddy’s Day is synonymous with pub crawls, Irish car bombs, and drunken good times. Or a nauseous green blur. Either way, we face the very real struggle of getting piss drunk without breaking that annoying open container law or burning holes in your already shallow pockets.
The answer to your tipsy Saint Paddy’s Day needs are drunken edibles, easy to make liquor-filled treats that will probably lead to a mouthful of cavities. But it’s so worth it. Eat responsibly.
This is the easiest recipe made for the laziest people. Dump your bag(s) of gummy bears in a bowl or Ziplock bag and pour your choice of vodka until they’re completely covered. Stick it in the fridge for at least 24 hours. Longer if you want a juiced up gummy bear but, if you’re impatient, stick them in the freezer for half that time. Shake or stir every once in a while. The vodka should be completely soaked in each gummy bear. Devour those suckers when the wait is over.
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Your taste buds are evolving to warmer weather treats and you love gummy bears so drunken gummy popsicles it is! Use the vodka gummy bears you previously made and put them in popsicle molds. Or ice cube trays because who readily has popsicle molds?
Distribute the gummies and pour in orange juice and vodka for a frozen gummy screwdriver. Eyeball the measurements, there’s no perfection here. If frozen screwdrivers aren’t your thing, use Sprite or 7-Up instead.
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Love Jello shots but don’t have plastic shot glasses? No worries, marshmallows will do. Carve out the center of your medium or giant marshmallows. Whether you chew the middle out or use a knife, make sure there’s a solid bottom to hold the shot. Mix a 3 ounce box of your favorite Jello flavor with 3/4 cup of vodka and 3/4 cup of boiling water. Use a straw to drop the Jello cocktail into the marshmallows once it’s completely cooled and refrigerate for roughly an hour or until it’s set.
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Strawberry Jello Shots
If you have any vodka Jello left over, pour the remainder into hollowed out strawberries. Cut the pointy parts off without creating a hole so they can stand up straight while you pour in the Jello shot. Stick it in the fridge for about an hour and you’re all set. If you already froze the extra vodka Jello, just scoop it into the strawberry and you’re done.
The health food craze of the week won’t allow you to enjoy the boozy artificial sugar flavors of gummies and marshmallows so a spiked fruit salad is more your edible spirit. Cut up pieces of pineapple, melon, apple, orange, or anything you have on hand and mix in 1/2 cup of dark rum, 2 tbsp. of brown sugar and a pinch of cinnamon. But if that’s too complicated and you’d rather continue our cheap vodka infused drunken edibles, pour OJ and vodka instead. Stir and let it sit in the fridge for 2 hours. Indulge without the guilt.
Enjoy the sweet-toothed bingefest on a dime, local lushes!
Follow Daniela for more good times at @DaniVram