So, as you can tell by the freezing weather outside, spring is obviously here. That means, regretfully, that layers will quickly be shedding, and people will be realizing just how much cheese was consumed over this winter. So yeah time to hit the gym. You can’t head into spring without your beach bod, but unfortunately you don’t have the money to pay someone to follow you around and yell at you…huh, when you write out what a trainer does, it sounds like a weird job. Anyways, for some excellent ways to get fit that fit your budget, here are some of our suggestions (or, you know, just go outside, find something heavy, and lift it):
Shape Up NYC – FREE, everywhere – New York wants to be the most attractive city in the world, and you sitting on your couch isn’t helping anybody. In retaliation, the city is offering up free exercise classes all over the city to get its residents in peak physical hotness, er, health. Classes include cardio, pilates, yoga, and boot camp, and tons of other options, and the locations are scattered enough that “too far” isn’t going to be a valid excuse (plus, aren’t you trying to work out? Wouldn’t far be better?). Since all the classes are free, Team Brokelyn is going to be attending until they start that gym that pays you to go.
Brooklyn Yoga Collective – $7-$15, 795 Franklin Ave, Crown Heights – Brooklyn Yoga Collective, near Prospect Park, is exactly what it sounds like, and they’re looking to teach their collective yoga to people. In order to reach us peasant folk who get our stretching in trying to reach a pole in a crowded L train, they’ve incorporated a sliding pay scale, meaning if you think you can afford to give $15 per class, go ahead. But if you think you can probably only spare $7 (and since you’re on Brokelyn, well…), then they’re fine with that, too.
Beastanetics – $15 per class, McCarren Park – As we’ve previously mentioned, Beastenetics is Tim Haft’s answer to all of the 1920’s beer bars and bacon ice cream dispensaries opening up in the neighborhood. It’s a high-intensity interval-training program, which is designed to get your butt into gear quick. The current session just ended, so with the next one starting on April 15, you’ve got a bit more time for bacon ice cream. Classes are 55 minutes, getting stellar Yelp reviews and you can even go to one for free if you’ve never been before, so get going to the park and get ready to…Beastenate? Whatever, it’s good for you.
Brooklyn Boulders (Groupon) – $29 – $149, 575 Degraw Street, Gowanus – Have you ever looked at one of those big, majestic landscapes of towering mountain ranges and thought, “Yeah, I could probably get to the top of that?” Well, here’s your chance to prove it, since Brooklyn Boulders has released a Groupon with offers on everything from a one month membership with guest passes to Learn-to-Boulder classes, all at a hugely discounted rate. Yes, technically you can go find a large mountainside and try to climb it, but that would be less of a “great date idea” and more of a “noble struggle to survive and not be eaten.”
Mark Morris Dance Group – $14 and up, 3 Lafayette Ave, Fort Greene – Since nobody has ever swept a girl off their feet by jogging, you might consider getting your cardio in by taking a dance class at Mark Morris Dance Group at BAM. They offer up a variety of classes for beginners and advanced booty-shakers alike, all for around $15 per class. They have fitness classes as well, including pilates, zumba, and yoga, for $14, and with most of the classes drop-in only, you’ll have plenty of time to dominate the dance floor the rest of your week.
Brooklyn Yoga School – pay what you can, 82 6th Ave, Park Slope – Over in Park Slope, Brooklyn Yoga School is focusing on spreading the good word of yoga not only physically, but mentally. The classes they offer range from beginners to very advanced, and they all feature philosophical discussions and chanting as well as ass-kicking workouts. Best of all, the classes are pay-what-you-can, so expect to hear a lot of people voicing their philosophy on how they “don’t need material things anyway,” and that they’re “lucky they can’t afford a couch.”
North Brooklyn Runners – FREE – Some people just love to run, and sometimes all those people happen to be in one location. North Brooklyn Runners is one of those occurrences, where people can meet up and get to stepping. There are no charges of any kind, so it really is just a group of runners, presumably being led by a bearded Tom Hanks. Their website has their schedule of group runs at Prospect Park and McCarren Park, for all levels of runners out there. They hold occasional races as well, in case you aren’t okay with a casual, fun jog and want to actively see the faces of the slow and feeble you can run faster than. Their, slow, dumb faces.
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Bless you, Kenji. I had the Camden poutine at Black Swan last night and am writing my Gut Reversal Manifesto as we speak.