1. Radical Hardware V features short films and music videos to accommodate your dismal attention span. (Monday)
2. Stand Up for free comedy at the Knitting Factory, because if you stand for nothing you’ll fall for anything. (Monday)
3. CMJ is here, and so are a whole bunch of free shows, which means you can spend more on beer and drunkenly buy band merch. The system works! (Monday – Friday)
4. R&B singer Karen Bernod is #PlantingSeeds and serenading everyone at Rustik Tavern. (Tuesday)
5. Nomad on the Road, a documentary about the fashion boutique Nomad Truck’s road trip through the South, is screening at Die Koelner Bierhalle. (Tuesday)
6. The authors of The Saint and How to Survive a Sharknado are getting together at WORD to talk about supernatural weather, erotica, and flying sharks. (Tuesday)
7. Celebrity dog groomer Jorge Bendersky wants your dog to appreciate fall and have a shiny coat with Dogtoberfest at Brooklyn Brewery. (Tuesday)
8. Swimsuit season’s not for a while, so go enjoy BackFat Comedy’s Two-Year Anniversary Blowout. (Tuesday)
9. Hardcore electro-punk project BLXPLTN is shrieking through Bar Matchless. (Tuesday)
10. Get the low down on subsidized housing and how to apply for it at The Actors Fund Arts Center. (Wednesday)
11. The artists in Lone Stars are Texas transplants contemplating their home state. (Wednesday)
12. We hope Bugs in the Dark’s music is less traumatic than the actual idea of bugs in the dark. (Wednesday)
13. The musicians in the long lineup for Goodnight Records Spring Break Rager doesn’t need the calendar’s permission to have fun. (Thursday)
14. Student loans are pretty awful, but you don’t have to let them keep you from living as an artist. Learn how to keep Sallie Mae from steering your life with Money Matters: Managing Student Loans for Artists. (Thursday)
15. Learn to fundraise and get your brilliant ideas off the ground with Fundraising Fundamentals for the Independent Artist. (Friday)
16. The Big Lean is a big open mic storytelling party. This weeks’ theme is My First Time… so prepare to share your most awkward, adventurous tales. (Friday)