Do these shoes say ‘Brooklyn’ to you?

A few days ago, our friends over at FIPS noted the existence of Kate Spade bags named after Park Slope, Boerum Hill and Brooklyn Heights, and we were thus inspired to do an inventory of luxury items named after Brooklyn, mainly for kicks but also to see what other associations big-name designers have with our beloved borough. Not surprisingly, they’re all over the map. Isaac Mizrahi thinks we’re loaded and a little batty, as suggested by his $2,250 Brooklyn tote bag. But we might also be preppy and slightly dull, as evidenced by Burberry’s series of Brooklyn bags and the $395 Brooklyn penny loafer from Tod’s, which look more Easthampton than Bushwick if you ask us. We’re gay: who else is wearing this pair of Dolce & Gabbana swim trunks emblazoned with “Boxing Club Brooklyn” on the back pocket? (They’re sold out, which is amazing since they were, like, $295, and we’re guessing it’s not because everyone at Gleason’s had to have ’em.) Chanel thinks we’re Russian and we live in Brighton Beach: and here’s our $2,000 Chanel Brooklyn Coco Cabas tote to prove it. Our favorite by far: we are smokin’ hot and that’s why some random label called Fashionistas named these suede-and-sequinned caged platform sandals after us. So sexy we want to dance to the Black Eyed Peas and puke on them. And we have no idea who Annie is, but she can take her dowdy Brooklyn espadrilles and her nude-colored nylon kneehighs and skedaddle back to whatever frozen food aisle she came from. Maybe she meant a different Brooklyn?