Dance, sing or Smiths away the V-Day blues this week

Dating in Brooklyn couldn’t be more awkward/fickle/sociopathic/on-the-internet, and Feb. 14th is just the day to be excruciatingly self-aware of this. There’s nary a more self-loathing celebration, but the slew of single-people happenings next week will surely lure you back from the ledge. Brokelyn is here to weed out the pricey events and serve up some anti-V-day haterade in the $0-10 range. And since the events start on a Monday, pour me a haterade double.

Cabaret: The Love Show’s Go Fuck Yourself is at Public Assembly tonight, for $10 in Williamsburg. Not sure why this hater-cabaret and burlesque isn’t on the actual day of flying-solo-mourning, but it looks good enough to mention.

Commiseration: As for the real-deal stuff on the 14th, you could laugh everything off at The Rejection Show’s Valentine’s Day Heartbreak Haven at the Bell House ($10 advance, $12 at door). The comedic event embraces both failed romance and failed writing pitches and ends with a live show by The Defibulators.

Commingling: Smiths Speed Dating, (8pm on the 14th), is equal parts tragic and fun with a heaping measure of irony and the sounds of The Smiths, Britain’s favorite maudlin rock band, but for FREE at Black Rabbit in Greenpoint you can try and woo potential partners over “Please, please let me get what I want.”

Crooning: If speed dating to Morrissey’s mopey croon is a bit too loathsome on V-day, try singing the sorrow yourself at Love Bites: The Power Ballad’s Sing Along at Union Hall (10 pm Feb. 14). It’s a measly $5 and you can belt love songs ‘til your jowls ache as much as your heart.

Cover songs: Check out the Anti-Valentine’s Day Riot Grrrl Cover Show at Death by Audio in Williamsburg (6:30 pm Feb. 14) with a $5-10 sliding scale entrance fee and classic covers of Bikini Kill, X-Ray Spex and Lilliput. (I’d honestly like to attend just about all of these events, but in the spirit of Willie Mae’s music lab starting up last week, I am leaning towards supplanting boy hate with girl love at Death by Audio).

If the only love letter you write this year is to the borough of Brooklyn, I can’t say that you’ll emerge from these events a ‘proud single,’ but at the very least you’ll crack a smile, scratch your sing-along itch, or rage in a sweaty DIY venue.