1. What Cheer? Brigade and The Reverend Vince Anderson are bringing horns and religion to the Brooklyn Night Bazaar, and all you need to do is show up. Not so hard, is it? (Friday)
2. Help raise some money for a gender affirming surgery at a cheetah print prom fundraiser bash at Littlefield, because it’s better than anything your money for your high school prom went to (Friday)
3. The Devil’s Sword is an Indonesian fantasy movie about a young prince fighting a Crocodile Queen and her army of half-men, half-crocodiles. We can’t imagine you need to know anything more (Friday)
4. Help weave some nice designs into the fence at Havemeyer Park. Because why stare at a bunch of chain link when you can look at bright colorful designs? (Friday – Saturday)
5. Film Biz Recycling is welcoming spring the best way they know how: By selling everything in the store at a 50% discount. Everything. (Friday – Sunday)
6. Throw some colored powder at people and have them not be angry for you at a Holi NYC celebration (Saturday)
7. Local pain-in-the-ass (and we mean that with tons of respect) Norman Oder leads a walking tour and lesson on the recent history of the Atlantic Yards and Barclays Center area (Saturday)
8. Celebrate MCA Day by heading to the MCA Day Party at Littlefield, which has a live set of Beastie Boys tracks on the agenda. Maybe drink a brass monkey and visit Adam Yauch Park before you go (Saturday)
9. Make some nice notecards using stamps and stencils at the Greenpoint Public Library, because you’re tired of leaving yourself notes on boring old index cards (Saturday)
10. Go on a three-hour tour through Prospect Park, checking out some uncovered secrets. Even if it’s nothing you don’t know, isn’t spending three hours in the park good enough? (Saturday)
11. Kickstarter is having a block party, and since it’s about block party season, why not take advantage of their hospitality (Saturday)
12. Kayak or canoe on Newtown Creek with the North Brooklyn Boat Club, but for the love of god, don’t fall in (Saturday)
13. Take a tour of Green-Wood Cemetery and learn about both its nice architecture and also the dead architects buried there (Saturday)
14. Pete’s Candy Store is having a Derby Day party with a ladies’ hat competition, food specials and most importantly, gambling (Saturday)
15. Mable’s Smokehouse is celebrating Derby Day too, with mint juleps and barbecue food. And you can probably find drunken degenerates to gamble with on your own (Saturday)
16. OR celebrate Derby Day with free sandwiches and very loud music at Hank’s. It’ll be just like being there, but less port-o-potties (Saturday)
17. Baby’s All Right is hosting a Brain Cave Festival-related show, with She Keeps Bees, Friend Roulette and more, so bring your thickest clothing. For the bees, we mean, if you get stung (Saturday)
18. Glamdammit is celebrating the 40th anniversary of the release Bowie’s Diamond Dogs with a live cover band at the Grand Victory. And hopefully, some Venture Brothers jokes (Saturday)
19. Glasslands is having a dance party called House Party, and you have to figure that if it’s anything like the five (five!) House Party movies, it’ll be a good time (Saturday)
20. Online market Bazaza comes off the computer and into the streets with a pop-up shop in DUMBO (Saturday – Sunday)
21. Hand your harmful garbage, like motor oil, mercury thermometers, ammonia, electronics and whatever else you’ve got that you can’t dump down the sewer, to the Department of Sanitation at McCarren Park (Sunday)
22. Buy some plants at the Prospect Heights Community Farm plant sale. It’s happening next week too, but you don’t want someone else to get all the best plants, right? (Sunday)
23. If you’re a woman and you want to take a free self-defense class (and why wouldn’t you, considering the world we live in) you can do that (Sunday)
24. See comedians read movie novelizations that you and all of your friends will pretend you didn’t read when you were kids, at Novelization (Sunday)
25. It’s time for Star Wars trivia at Supercollider, so hopefully you spent the weekend holed up in your apartment watching the original trilogy. Like you always do, NEEEEERD (Sunday)
26. Meet Green Party nominee for governor Howie Hawkins and hear some climate haikus at Freddy’s, because even if you’re not a registered Green, you know it’ll piss of Andrew Cuomo so bad (Sunday)
27. Robot Hates the Universe is throwing you into the Sarlaac Pit, by which we actually mean treating you to a free comedy show with comedians talking their favorite Star Wars memories (Sunday)
28. Help the So So Glos, DJ Patrick Stickles and more help a friend pay some dental bills at The Tooth Fairy Benefit at Shea Stadium, because fuck teeth, don’t let them win (Sunday)