Brooklyn’s least heteronormative Valentine’s Day events

There’s a Hallmark holiday encouraging monetary support of almost every aspect of a nuclear family, and now the least specific one is approaching: Valentine’s Day. The cultural vagueness of V-Day is nice, leaving much more room for interpretation than Mother’s Day or Father’s Day. Even so the heteronormative aspects of most mainstream interpretations of the holiday are lurking just below the surface in TV commercials and Hallmark cards themselves. The guilt is tangible for anyone who does not have a committed partner.

In Brooklyn, however, there are lots of fun V-Day events for all beings capable of love, no matter what their relationship status. So whether you be coupled, single, or incapable of love, check out this roster of events which play into the love theme without single-shaming.

(For those not paying attention, Valentine’s Day is next Wednesday, February 14.)

Tinder Live! Valentine’s Day Special
V-day at 8pm
Littlefield, Gowanus
$15

This “truly addictive entertainment” turns Tinder into an on-stage performance, with Lane Moore logging on and publicly roasting or at least analyzing those she matches. This special show will feature special guests: Aparna Nancherla, Sally Kohn, and Jon Friedman will join host Lane Moore and together hate on V-day.

Fuck Love
V-day at 10pm
House of Yes, Bushwick
$10

Trust the House of Yes to put on rebelliously good V-day party, complete with plenty of tears, relationship therapists, divorce attorneys, kissing lessons, and a welcoming vibe for every possible couple configuration. Free with RSVP tickets are already sold out but all night priority entry tickets are just $10 and are still available (for now).

Steamy Valentine’s Night at the Russian Baths
V-day at 7pm
Brooklyn Banya, Kensington
$40+

Get out your felt hat and prepare to be whipped with leaves. Gemini & Scorpio’s legendary Russian bathhouse party features all the amenities of Coney Island Ave.’s Brooklyn Banya – steam rooms, a jacuzzi, rooftop smoking deck, authentic Russian food – plus all the madness they bring for the night. This includes a Balkan gypsy band, DJ Joro Boro spinning “Ethnotek”, and an open vodka bar.

Nitehawk Cinema Love Series
Various times
Nitehawk Cinema, Williamsburg
$12 GA

From Sid and Nancy to True Romance, indie movie theater Nitehawk Cinema has put together a highly curated offering of less than normal takes on love to show throughout February. From a West German necrophilic exploitation film to Chi-Raq, the films all relate to Valentine’s Day’s signature theme in a perhaps less than obvious ways, at least from a mainstream perspective.

I LOVE BUTOH!
Triskelion Arts, Greenpoint
V-day at 8pm
$20 in advance, $22 at the door

For those who don’t know, Butoh is a form of Japanese modern dance involving lots of white body paint. This “multi-sensory experience” will feature a chocolate tasting and performance of the choreographed dance “I love I miss my friend and the music is beautiful” and “Boundary”.

A Belinda Blinked Valentine’s Day
Parklife, Gowanus
V-day at 8pm
FREE with RSVP

Erotic literature is clearly very on-brand for Valentine’s Day, even if this holiday is technically named for a saint. Bobby Hankinson, Courtney Maginnis, and Casey James Salengo will read from “Belinda Blinked” and there will also be drink specials, a photo booth, games, and tacos. While prior knowledge on this book or the podcast that previously featured it will help your enjoyment, neither is necessary.

Greenpointers Winter of Love Valentine’s Market
Greenpoint Loft, Greenpoint
Sunday, February 11 from 1-7pm
FREE

Groove into your most psychedelic hippie attire for this ’60s themed V-day market full of local vendors, a flower power-inspired art installation photo booth, and plenty of perks as free as true love, including tarot readings, nail art, massages, and henna. Mugs of mulled hot cider await.

It’s Friday, I’m (Not) In Love: Anti-Valentine’s Day Party
Friday, February 9 at 10:30pm
Littlefield, Gowanus
$7 – $10

Who needs love? Embrace your inner Stoop Grandpa and reject committed relationships while dancing to the beats of DJ Gordon Gloom. Heartache is king at purge of emotional baggage. Enjoy the photo booth and dress in black (“creativity will be rewarded”).