This week’s episode begins with an all-too-familiar Northeastern Corridor Amtrak trip, taking us to Abbi’s hometown of Wayne, which is slightly west of Philly. Cue approximately 22 minutes of Will Smith jokes, cuz does anyone really know anything else about anything with the words “west” and/or “Philadelphia” involved? No. Nor do we care.
For the record, I hate when the Broads leave the City. There’s something about taking them off deez streets that takes away a lot of the magic for me. Not to mention, Wayne, Pennsylvania as portrayed might be the antithesis of NYC, so the ep had to rely on one-liners and questionable sartorial choices to keep us afloat. But there’s good news! It paid off.
First, let’s all let this week’s guest star sink in.
It makes so much sense that Tony Danza would be Abbi’s dad. Like, I actually believe it.
He greets Abs and Ilaners upon their arrival in Wayne with a cat call, yelling, “If only I was 30 years younger!” in that sweet, sweet, Brooklyn accent that should probably come with a trigger warning.
When she rightfully inquires as to what exactly would happen if that were true, because, gross, he responds with a shrug, “Then we’d be best friends and hang out all the time!”
Honestly, this was my favorite exchange. That’s the chillest. I want to live in the world where old dudes and/or old dads are never hitting on you — they just wanna hang out. In much the same way the instant classic film Magic Mike XXL was written with a female gaze, this is what I’d call the feminist gaze, and it’s fucking perfect.
As Abbi literally unpacks her childhood, we get to know teen Jacobson through many nods to her past, including a cut-off dreadlock (which is mission critical in order to attend a String Cheese Incident show, I assume), admissions of her pre-collegiate mushroom habit, the doorless Jeep she drove in high school and a collectible JonBenet Ramsey Beanie Baby that sends Ilana into an eBay sales frenzy. My favorite artifact of Abbi’s formative years? Her JTT poster, obviously. T’was not one gal in America who didn’t gaze into those baby blues throughout the whole of the 90s.
The returning-to-your-garbage-hometown-and-making-out-with-your-high-school-townie-crush-only-to-have-it-go-awry bit is a total cliche, but this was a truly funny episode. Hidden between Sleater-Kinney and Yiddish Mandarin was the reality of growing out of your former jam band obsession and the reminder to leave all of your childhood bullshit in the past where it belongs, cuz whomever you’ve wronged along the path to your mediocre Manhattan office job probably grew up to be a supermodel anyway. Also, if Abbi had Facebook, she’d already know this. Get real, broads.
We picked out the references you may have missed, the moments we’re still talking about and the gifs you need in your life right now:
Totally gratuitous feminism: In reference to the presumed-mangled Alice Ackerman, a high-school friend of Abbi’s who gets hit by a bus (on a Saturday!) and turns out to be actual model Kelly Rorbach, omfg: “Maybe it’s about time there’s an Elephant Woman.”
Fucking amazing accessory only Ilana can pull off and we’re worshipping it: Dudes. She was wearing a fucking gun holster. A gun holster! Let us pray. 🙏
Best Pop Culture Reference: “That’s so Goop,” Ilana says, referring to Tony Dad-za’s decision to turn Abbi’s childhood bedroom into an infra-red sauna. “You should get a v-steam for the next time we come in.”
Best fake name for a jam band: The White Slave Rebellion, man.
Spotify sync: Do I really have to tell you this? I’m genuinely not sure if anyone needs to be told this. If you’re one of the people who isn’t already listening to Sleater-Kinney and hasn’t heard “New Wave,” we’ve definitely never met. Hello! Hi! Who the fuck are you? But seriously. You should add this to a playlist and also treat yourself to the video.
Best cameo: Hold me closer, Tony Danza. But honestly, stop aging first. Just cool it. I miss Who’s the Boss Tony. Also, #tbt to that time he rapped about every famous person from Brooklyn!
Best callback: Ilana’s Yiddish Mandarin was totally a reference to a prior episode when we met her Mom, ultimate Chinatown faux-goods shopaholic.
Gif of the week: Try to not love this. Try.
And one more GIF for good measure, just because you’ll have some use for this in your life before long: