In season 2’s penultimate episode, Abbi and Ilana explore other women. Ilana’s narcissism fully realizes itself when she falls for her doppelganger (Alia Shawkat), while Abbi spends a wild night getting fucked up with Kelly Ripa. But their dream crushes turn to nightmares, fast.
It all starts when Jaime gets Abbi and Ilana a gig working the coat check at a fancy partay. They make the most of the menial job, smoking weed from a vaporizer, trying on the coats, hiding in the coat rack, etc. But funny things happen that night, as though the coat room were akin to the closet in Narnia!
For instance, when Ilana takes a bathroom break, she becomes enchanted with “the hottest chick (she’s) ever seen,” a party-goer named Adele who looks exactly like her (of course, Ilana can’t see it). We learn that Ilana has sabotaged the coat room, putting all the tickets in the tip jar instead of in the coats, because she has no idea how the system should work. Unconcerned, she saunters back out to find her soulmate, leaving Abbi to bear the brunt of the coatless masses, including none other than America’s Sweetheart, Kelly Ripa, whose coat ends up mistakenly claimed by another party-goer. Ms. Ripa is super chill, doesn’t sweat it, but Abbi, flustered and star-struck, pledges to do whatever it takes to find the lost coat. Kelly leaves behind her contact info; Abbi literally faints.
For Abbi, Ilana’s carelessness has a silver lining: “Because you’re such a bobo, I have the opportunity of a lifetime; to find and return Kelly Ripa’s coat, to her home, dude!” Luckily, she finds a clue in one of the coats left behind, a business card, which leads her to the home of the person who mistakenly took Ripa’s coat. Before reuniting the coat with Kelly, Abbi meets Adele at McCarren Park and bursts Ilana’s bubble by telling her they look exactly alike.
At Kelly’s house, Abbi and America’s Sweetheart hit it off right off the bat when Abbi notices her pile of Bed Bath and Beyond coupons, and they say in unison “I practically live there!” Feeling the connection, Kelly invites her to stay for a drink. Turns out Kel also loves “pranks” and getting fucked up.
Meanwhile, Ilana is tweaking out on her date with Adele, even experiencing a Black Swan moment where Adele’s face morphs into her own as she’s going down on her. Ilana ends things mid-cunnilingus, saying, it’s just too weird, she’d rather “have sex with people who are different from me, you know, different colors, different shapes, different sizes; people who are hotter, uglier, smarter, not more smart, innies, outies, I don’t know, a Catholic person!” And things get scary fast over at Kelly’s, with Abbi stumbling upon a BDSM room, Kelly lacing a joint with coke and then wanting to do yoga pretzels….When two busted male prostitutes arrive, Abbi calls it quits—even though Kelly “ordered Domino’s for after.”
Abbi and Ilana reunite, consoling each other about the sick and twisted endings on their respsective fairy tales. But will things go back to normal, or are the girls forever changed from their journeys to the dark side of the id?
Broad City Brokester tip of the week: Leave the crush, take the coat. Bitches be cray, but cashmere will last, err, a long time.