1. Hang with Miss America and Marty Markowtiz at the Fairway grand re-opening (Friday)
2. Stick it to Ted Cruz: raise money for some communists (Friday)
3. Meet the rookies entering the world of the Gotham Girls Roller Derby this season (Friday)
4. Check out a photo exhibit featuring pictures of star systems and nebulae and galaxies, feel small and insignificant, stop trying (Saturday)
5. Two words: Beer. Festival. (Saturday)
6. More than two words: adopt adorable bunnies, also maybe get a tattoo. Of a bunny? (Saturday)
7. Holy god it’s The Scofflaws and they’re playing at Freddy’s. Presumably they’ll bim-bam everybody (Saturday)
8. A new restaurant is combining brunch and trivia. As if anyone is ever sober enough to think during brunch (Saturday)
9. Learn about the history of New York breweries at the Brooklyn Historical Society while drinking beer. So like college except you don’t have to hide your drinking in class (Saturday)
10. Homebrewers face off at The Diamond, and you get to decide who’s best, you lucky duck (Saturday)
11. “There’s a Mondo dance party at Cameo.”
“Oh cool, what’s it called?”
“What?”
“The dance party?”
“It’s Mondo.”
“But what’s it callled?” (Saturday)
12. Watch the Muppets take Manhattan, see where they put it. Then we can finally find it again (Sunday)
13. Dig through some record crates at Brooklyn Bowl (Sunday)
14. Find out how literature can save your life. One way: keep a book in your chest pocket to stop a bullet (Sunday)
15. After you see Killer Nun at Spectacle, maybe you’ll be closer to understanding why the Pope mysteriously resigned (Sunday)