1. Get thrizzled at Book Court by author Michael Kupperman’s stories of Einstein and Mark Twain solving mysteries (Monday)
2. Hampshire College hosts their alumni (including Eugene Mirman) at Union Hall in a display of how much better their college is than your college (Monday)
3. Find out if it goes to 11, at Videology (Monday)
4. Dive into Freddy’s back room for some comedy, but be careful: there are no lifeguards on duty (Monday)
5. Get stuck with some needles. Acupuncture needles. What are we, gonna send you out to get hurt? (Tuesday)
6. Learn the history of the New York City subway map and how it was made purposefully confusing to slow down any potential invasion of New York City (Tuesday)
7. Forget everything you know about sandwiches and let the Masters of Social Gastronomy refresh your knowledge, one scoop of mustmayostarayonnaise at a time (Tuesday)
8. No quicker way to our heart than these three words: “free beer samples” (Wednesday)
9. Hang out with a futurist for a talk on whether or not we’ll have web privacy in the coming years. SPOILER ALERT: Noooope (Wednesday)
10. Get recommendations and a guide to to read a whopping 25 new authors, at WORD (Wednesday)
11. Words with Beers tackles the subjects of impersonators (Wednesday)
12. Country strummer Austin McCutchen wears out his welcome at Skinny Dennis. And on the first night of his residency, too (Wednesday)
13. Find out what it sounds like when doves cry (Thursday)
14. Wasabassco brings their spicy variety of burlesque to the Bell House (Thursday)
15. Celebrate David Bowie’s birthday with dancing and pretending this video for the “Dancing in the Street” cover never happened (Friday)
16. Post-punk and dancepunk battle for dance floor supremacy. The winner? You, because you get to hear both (Friday)
17. The Greenpointers’ dance party doesn’t need a title, because you know what it has? Pierogis (Friday)