1. What do you, not want to go to something called BeerFest and drink unlimited beers for three hours? You’ve changed, you’ve changed (Friday)
2. The Living Room is a standup and sketch show where you can see comedians work things out before you see them appear on your pictocube jumping box television (Friday)
3. Check out Mary Jane’s Not a Virgin Anymore, a lo-fi independent movie about a high school girl’s sexual awakening that will remind you how bad you were at sex when you were in high school (Friday)
4. You spend enough time going back and forth to the liquor store, so you may as well see punk band Liquor Store on their tour kickoff show at Union Pool (Friday)
5. Stick the kids in a bouncy castle and do some Christmas shopping at the Family Winter Festival (Saturday)
6. Meet a wolf, meet an actual goddamn wolf at Videology, when the Wolf Conservation Center screens a Frozen Planet episode and brings Atka the wolf to the screening (Saturday)
7. It’s time for the Brooklyn Museum’s last First Saturday of the year, and possibly your life, if you don’t do things like look both ways before you cross the street (Saturday)
8. Even occult book store Catland is getting into the holiday spirit with their Feast of Yules bake sale and gift bazaar. Just keep in mind that the frogurt is also cursed (Saturday)
9. Speaking of needless Simpsons references, Harry Shearer at BAM, ladies and gentlemen! Should be a good time (Saturday)
10. Get some rare books you’ve been after and see if Paul Auster actually has Christmas spirit at the Brooklyn Holiday Book Fair (Saturday)
11. Why split up brunch and holiday shopping when you could combine them into one glorious mess at Tutu’s? (Saturday)
12. Bad credit? No Credit? No problem! Well it’s not if that’s you saying you’re seeing Bad Credit No Credit at Shea Stadium. If the bank is after you, that probably is a problem (Saturday)
13. Find the sexy librarian you’ve always wanted to be with at the 2013 edition of the Biblioball (Saturday)
14. Mondo is celebrating a whole year in pop music at their final dance party of the year, so put on your party hat. And party underwear. But then put some pants on, please (Saturday)
15. Nothing says Christmas like underground hip hop, burlesque and unlimited kegs. But then, we’ve always been a little nontraditional (Saturday)
16. An artisan gift fair and pie tasting extravaganza all at the same time? Yeah, sign up up (Saturday)
17. Try to snag a door ticket to the DFA Records Christmas party, because it’s not like we don’t all suspect James Murphy won’t be there (Saturday)
18. Our pals at Greenpointers are having their annual holiday market, so tell people Brokelyn sent you. No one will know what you mean, but say it anyway (Sunday)
19. See people talk about what it’s like to write novels based on recent historical events, so you can get some tips on writing your thriller about Obama’s visit to Brooklyn (Sunday)
20. We go out and buy a guitar when you can just learn to build one yourself at Brooklyn Launchpad? Of course, playing it after you’ve built it is another story (Sunday)
21. Get your friend the gift they’ve always wanted: humiliation and potential romantic love, at Friends of Single People (Sunday)
22. Know enough about John Lennon or the Beatles to win Beatles trivia? You can play it at the Bell House for free, provided you can get a little help from your friends and form a team (Sunday)