Despite the best efforts of the Transit Workers Union (Hip-Hop Division), people just won’t stay off the goddamn subway tracks. We don’t quite understand the appeal of hopping down off the platform, since even at the cleanest subway stations, the tracks are full of garbage, rats and gross puddles of garbage water. The latest victim of the train tracks managed to add a little bit of humiliation to the usual sad story by electrocuting himself while peeing.
According to DNAInfo, the death that sounds like a gag from a late-period Adam Sandler movie happened early this morning when a man walking along the G train tracks near the Broadway stopped to pee. Unfortunately, he forgot the lesson from former Senator Larry Craig to never go with a wide stance, and spread himself out enough to touch the third rail and electrocute himself. So remember, next time you need to pee really badly and you’re on the subway, do it like a civilized person and walk to the end of the platform and pee onto the tracks while standing over them.