If you’re lucky enough to have escaped the dreaded wintertime move, now is a great time to call it quits on the old place and sign a lease on a new one. The weather’s warmer, the days are longer and house-party season is heating up. Perfect time to warm a new house—if you’re a trained party host like some of our own, that is. This week’s apartments feature barf-friendly hardwood, cocktail-worthy kitchens and architecture that just screams “Let’s go to my bedroom and make out!”
First up, we’ve got this 4-bedroom in Bensonhurst for $2,300. Hey, that’s just $575 a person! I bet even the Playboy bunnies pay more than that. So, rent now and live in this “spavious” [sic] apartment. Every bedroom has a window and closet, and there’s lots of hardwood. And as long as deck isn’t just another word for terrace isn’t just another word for yard, the listing tells you that you get a deck, a terrace and a yard. Off the 71 St. D.
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For just a little more dough than the above, get yourself an extra bathroom in this Stuy Heights 4-bedroom, 2-bathroom apartment. $2,700 rent gets you a washer-dryer and a yard, too! It’s a pre-war apartment, and a duplex from the looks of the photos in the listing. We’re guessing it’s a first floor and a basement, since this pillar is a common area centerpiece. Pets allowed. Off the Halsey St J or the Ralph Av C.
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Okay, now we’ve got a bunch of cheap 3-bedrooms for you, and would you believe it, this is the most expensive one? At $2,325 to rent and low-fee to boot, this spot in Bushwick is still a good deal. Pets are free to roam, and it’s prewar. We don’t get much else from the listing, so check out the place for yourself; looks like an everything-but-the-kitchen-sink kind of place. Seriously, you’re gonna need a bigger sink. Off the Dekalb L.
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Bushwick ain’t got nothing on Midwood: this 3-bedroom for $2,100 has a way better kitchen sink! It’s a looker, too. We’re told plenty closets (with venetian blinds, ooh) and hardwood throughout, with spacious bedrooms and lots of natural light. Off the Avenue M Q train. Don’t get those letters mixed up! The M train doesn’t go to Avenue Q. You gotta head to Broadway for that. Ha ha ha. Yes, I did go to theater school thankyouforasking.
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If you’re going to move to Sheepshead Bay, you may as well do it for this 3-bedroom, 1.5 bathroom for $1,975. Listing photos have labels so you can tell what the rooms are—anyone else seeing The Color Purple? You get a balcony with a bay view! And that carpeted living room with a sliding door is a suburbanite’s dream. Then, we move on to bathrooms with skylights (what?) and “European organized closets” (which we can only presume means you’ll have a West Germany closet and an East Germany closet, where one day the dividing wall between the two will be knocked down by scores of angry protesters). Off the Sheepshead Bay B/Q.
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A little closer in, we’ve got this last 3-bedroom in Prospect-Lefferts/Ditmas listed at $2,200. Arguably on the border, so call it whichever neighborhood gets you laid more at parties. Pet-friendly, so buy whatever pet gets you laid more at parties. Since the listing claims “separate kitchen,” we’re hoping there’s an actual living room it’s separate from. And hey, how about that kitchen! Nothing like checkered tile to bring you back to the Brooklyn days of yore. Off the Church Avenue B/Q.
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Okay, last up is our best-kept secret, for the good folks who skimmed our post all the way to the very bottom. It’s 2-bedroom apartment for $1,400 in Crown Heights! That’s unheard of on so many levels. There’s an eat-in kitchen, and there might just be a living room. French doors, a decorative fireplace and beautiful natural light in what we hope is a common area. Looks like there’s a comparable unit in the same building, and we’re not sure which one’s really in these photos. Hey, maybe they’re exactly alike, so two lucky renters can get in on this deal? Off the Utica Av A/C/3/4/5.