It’s time to say goodbye to the real estate listings as we know them, brokesters. Shed a tear for the apartment days of yore. Oh, don’t worry, this isn’t a eulogy for the death of cheapness; you can still find reasonably-priced places to live without our help. That said, this week’s apartments are an epic send-off from here at Brokelyn headquarters. We’ve got Sunset Park to Bed-Stuy, Crown Heights to Coney Island. And these spots aren’t just light on the wallet—they’re featherweight. Take that, by-application-only affordable housing!
Well, may as well kick off with the cheapest one: this 5-bedroom in Coney Island is a paltry $1,590. Yes, for $318 apiece, you and four fellow dwellers can live in a large development at the waterfront, blocks from Luna Park and just steps from the open sea. The kitchen looks small for five budding chefs, but you can just have breakfast at the concession stands forever! A super’s onsite 24/7; there’s laundry in the building and a playground if you have kids. Pets are allowed, as long as the breed isn’t agressive. Breed, aggressive, breed breed aggressive. There might be a patio/balcony. Off the Coney Island D/N/F/Q.
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Speaking of breeds, no-fee apartments are kind of a dying one. But we managed to salvage this $2,100 no-fee 3-bedroom in Bed-Stuy from the listings! Excellent proximity to the train. It’s a shotgun-style apartment, which means railroaded but with two entrances. One entrance leads to a bedroom and the other leads to a living room between the additional two bedrooms, so there’s really no walk-throughs necessary to get to the common areas. Hardwood looks nice. Off the Myrtle-Broadway J/M/Z
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Hey, look, this one is our most expensive apartment of the week, and it’s still under $800 per roommate! A Crown Heights 3-bedroom for $2,390 means you pay just over $795 each, and for the price you’re getting a cozy spot right across from Brower Park and steps away from the Brooklyn Museum. And the apartment itself? “This unit has a very long hallway.” But besides that, it’s also got renovated kitchen, a small living room and a live-in super. Pets allowed! Your dog will love you for renting this parkside spot. Off the Nostrand A/C and 3.
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Hey, it’s another 3-bedroom for $2,100! This one’s at the border of Flatbush and Ditmas Park. And it’s a beaut, from the looks of it. Nothing much in the listing description besides “BRAND NEW APPLIANCES.” But we can already tell you what to look forward to: living right next to the newly-renovated Kings Theatre! That, and being only a short bike ride/leisurely stroll away from Prospect Park. Off the Beverly Q and 2/5.
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Up a few flights of stairs in Sunset Park, we’ve got this spiffy-looking 3-bedroom unit for just $2,000! Chalks up to an easy $633.33 per roommate. Does every room have a private entrance, or does this listing seem to think that walking through a “private entrance” to your own apartment is a luxury? Anyhow, they say that. They also say lots of counter space, a dining area and a separate living room. Pets allowed! Off the 59 St R.
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Bed-Stuy bohemia, thy name is this $2,250 3-bedroom at Lewis & Halsey. Ample square footage, or so we’re told. Lots of windows, a large living room, an “oversized” bathroom (though we’re not exactly sure whether that makes it OK for you to pee while your roommate is showering) and closets in every bedroom. Small pets allowed. This is a BK foodie’s paradise—you’ll have Saraghina and Peaches Hot House right next door! Off the C at Kingston-Throop or the A/C at Utica.
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This 2-bedroom in Sunset Park is $1,250. I repeat, this 2-bedroom apartment is $1,250. You can ignore the part about Dyker Heights in the listing, since the zip code makes this very much a Sunset Park spot, on 7th avenue. It’s a basement unit, but little alcove windows give it plenty natural lighting. It probably feels like a 1st floor apartment. Eat-in kitchen, small front yard… guys. This is the holy grail of cheap apartments. And it can be yours! As long as you rent this post-haste. And never, ever let it go. Off the 45 St R.
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