A Giant guide to Super Bowl deals & bashes

Real talk: I will be avoiding bars on Super Bowl Sunday this year because I hate both teams and there’s a guarantee I would get beat to death by at least one, if not both, fanbases. You, however, might have a rooting interest besides “the field imploding like in the new Batman trailer,” but no TV and no interest in watching a glitchy Internet broadcast. Lucky for you, Brooklyn is home to many bars that off affordable ways to cater to your readiness for some football, from free wing buffets to cheap drinks to vegan parties to a super mustache bash. 

SUPER GUIDES
Check out our guide to cheap football bars, combining our picks with reader favorites; if you need a nosh to calm your nerves, lots of spots in our free bar food roundup are game-friendly. Staying in? Don’t forget our super-scientific study of the best value for cheap beers before you fill the fridge. But if you’re still a disgruntled Jets fan, pound some beer and shot specials.

WILLIAMSBURG

South 4th Bar, 90 S. 4th St.: Even though everyone knows mustaches go better with baseball and hockey, this Williamsburg café/bar (cabar?) is inviting everyone with a lip caterpillar to show up to their Super Bowl Mustache Bash. It includes $15 pitchers of Kelso and Blue Point Toasted Lager, a $5 Bloody Mary bar and $4 Jamesons. The bar is also making sure there’s something to absorb all that alcohol with rolling food options starting with pizza at 1pm, chips and chili at 3 and a 6-foot party sub showing up at 6.

Matt Torrey’s, 46 Bushwick Ave.: While the Giants still won’t return my calls about setting up a charity to donate  $100 for every Eli Manning interception (129 in 121 career games!), you can put that selfish attitude to shame on Sunday. Matt Torrey’s is making a dent in the fight against leukemia and lymphoma by asking for a $10 donation (suggested)  for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. In exchange, you get access to three big screen TVs, chips and dip, wings and your first well drink or draft beer for free.There’s also the promise of raffle prizes and Super Bowl boxes for you degenerate gamblers.

Brooklyn Bowl, 61 Wythe Ave.: No specials here, but if my fervent hope for the worst Super Bowl of all time comes true, you’ll feel extra smart for choosing to watch the game at a bowling alley, where at least you’ll have a distraction. If you and your friends are particularly terrible at bowling, you can make bets as to whether your scores will best the over/under of 55 points between the Giants and Pats. Though if you do bowl a 54, man do you suck.

Wildflower: The vegan pop-up shop will host a Super Bowl party on Sunday at 379 Union Avenue. The fare will be … vegan, and the party starts at 5:30 p.m.

COBBLE HILL

The Brazen Head, 228 Atlantic Ave.: The official bar of Trader Joe’s lunch breaks is bringing linebacker-strength hits with four TVs showing the game, two kinds of  free chili (carnivore-friendly and vegetarian), plus their $1 off drinks for the whole day. During the game, all draft beers will be $5, so if I were you, I’d start praying for a penalty-filled mess of a game that goes until the last second of overtime.

Angry Wade’s, 222 Smith St.: It’s Brooklyn’s unofficial Red Sox bar, so this must be the perfect bar for you to show up to in your Michael Strahan jersey and loudly moralize about Rob Gronkowski’s dalliance with a porn star and Tom Brady fathering a bastard child. The beating would be totally worth it though, for the promised outdoor barbeque, wall projection of the game and the chance to win a raffled off snowboard.

BED-STUY

Vodou Bar, 95 Halsey St.: No, it’s not a place angry Jet fans are gathering to stick pins in a collection of Giants and Pats dolls (that place is called “my living room”). Instead, it’s a Bed-Stuy bar promising to get your bloodlust primed with free wings between 5 and 6:30, plus a special Super Bowl happy hour and menu.

PARK SLOPE

The Rock Shop, 249 Fourth Ave., Park Slope: This bar/venue invites you all to come on down and root for the Giants. So you won’t find me there, despite the allure of a free wing buffet at kickoff, $4 Stella Drafts, $5 Jameson drinks, $5 Stolli drinks and $3 cans of Modelo and Rolling Rock.

What did we miss?