1. Run from fireworks! Sorry. That’s run TO fireworks. (Friday)
2. We’ve been strip mining the ’90s for nostalgia so much that it’s easy to forget we can laugh at the 70s just as hard. (Friday, Saturday)
3. Drink some wine, learn that a vibraphone is not a xylophone. (Friday)
4. Children are our future, so it makes sense that they get a whole day. (Saturday)
5. Celebrate the birthday of a 1-year-old you actually like: the DeKalb Market (Saturday)
6. Meet a bunch of great zine artists, drink a few beers. Maybe so many that you buy way more zines than you wanted to. (Saturday)
7. You don’t win friends with salad! You don’t win friends with salad! (Saturday)
8. Think you might be able to talk about Batman with someone at Chiptunes dance party? (Saturday)
9. Visit an alternate high-school universe where the nerds are the ones who don’t play chess (Saturday)
10. Did someone mention strip mining the ’90s for nostalgia? Clueless. No really, Clueless. (Saturday)
11. Is your baby too lazy to make his own dinner? Learn how to feed him healthy food until he shapes up and gets a damn job. (Sunday)
12. Learn about prison ships from the 1770s. Spoiler alert: they weren’t fun. (Sunday)
13. You scoff now, but eventually, intimate knowledge of Edgar Cayce will save your life. (Sunday)