13 things to do this weekend (if you haven’t burst into flames)

1. Check out posters for shows you never went to. Don’t worry, it’s art. (Friday)

2. 5th Avenue is full of music, and for once, it’s not because you’re having auditory hallucinations (Friday)

3. Pass Kontrol comes to South Brooklyn! You guys! They’re so good! And the other bands are too I bet. (Friday)

4. You’re already described as dazed and confused by your friends on the regular, so go drink under the moontower. (Friday)

5. Roberta’s is selling plants from their garden. Just another reason to go to Bushwick and then bitch about how far it is (Saturday)

6. Teach yourself to fish and you can eat for a lifetime through the apocalypse (Saturday)

7. Hey remember my zine? It’s so amazing we got invited to an event celebrating zines (Saturday)

8. Yo yo, who the boss when it comes to these songs? Ghostface (Saturday)

9. Has anyone ever heard of this “Mermaid Parade“? (Saturday)

10. Get thee to a kayakery! (Saturday and Sunday)

11. A bike tour where you get educated AND you eat tacos. WHAAAAT? I freakin’ love this city (Sunday)

12. If you’ve always wanted to be Mrs. Ira Glass, here’s your chance to impress him with your charitable disposition. Oh, and help people. That too. (Sunday)

13. You’ve laughed at Hannibal Buress for free at the Knitting Factory, now laugh at him in Red Hook (Sunday)

Don’t take my word for it though (actually do), go check out the Brooklyn Events calendar. Got an event of your own? Well, list it there! It’s free!