Were this a buzzier website, we’d make some sort of slick quiz that uses your favorite fictional monkey or something to determine which kind of Brooklyn guy you are/are dating. Instead, use this handy (and actually researched) guide by our own Kate Mooney to figure it out. Kate, moonlighting over at The New York Observer, worked with illustrator Emily Niland to put together a feature you might consider either fun or suffocatingly depressing depending on your dating situation: “Eight Guys You Might Meet in Brooklyn: An Illustrated Guide,” which breaks down the kind of boys you’re likely meet in various nabes. Think of it as an Audubon guide, but for Brooklyn bros.
Featured characters include the Gowanus maker (above), whose dates are “half earnest high school sneak around, half curated urban exploration” and the Greenpoint lonely boy (below), who “romanticizes GP’s old man bars.” As a verified Brooklyn guy and aspiring Brooklyn stereotype, I’m annoyed at how accurate these are. Could be worse though dudes; you could be called a Nathaniel P.
Which ones did she miss? Fill our comments section with Brooklyn bro specimens so that future generations may have this record of our doomed society.
Follow Tim, aka Boerum Hill boho trash: @timdonnelly.