Urine trouble if you try to pee on the street in Williamsburg

Notice how there are none of these on Lorimer Street. via Flickr user jpmartineau

Notice how there are none of these on Lorimer Street. via Flickr user jpmartineau

So you’re out walking in the middle of the day when nature calls. No wait, that’s not what this is about. You’re out walking at three o’clock in the morning and nature calls. More like to happen. What are you supposed to do? You could hold it until you get home we guess, engaging in a number of ridiculous dances, each one sillier than the rest. Or you could just take your chance in a dark spot on the street and relieve yourself. Which, everyone does. But they also all get caught in Williamsburg.

Gothamist, for reasons unknown except for LOLs we’re guessing, got all the data the NYPD keeps for public urination tickets and made a handy map out of it. The place with the most citations in Brooklyn? Williamsburg, of course, with 1,181 people getting caught with their pants down. It makes sense, because there’s plenty of nightlife in Williamsburg, but it also doesn’t make sense because there are so many bars you could just slink into and use the bathrooms. What, you’d rather take your chances with the cops making jokes about the size of your dick than get stink-eye from some bartender you’ll never see again? Not that you should take advantage of bars’ kindness either. You should always just make a pit stop before you leave.

Bed-Stuy’s Precinct 79 took the silver medal with 586 tickets, and East New York was hot on their heels with 559 people who just couldn’t wait until they get home. Meanwhile, Park Slope didn’t even crack 100 tickets and Boerum Hill had only 130. Sadly, Williamsburg didn’t get to take home the individual medal in this Olympics of shame. Queens’ Precinct 115, containing Jackson Heights and East Elmhurst took the crown with an astounding 2,252 public urination tickets being given out in 2012. Obviously people there aren’t yellow chicken when it comes to being scofflaws.

[h/t FreeWilliamsburg]