The Unofficial ‘Girls’ Guide to New York shows you how to act like you’re in a TV show

This guide is gonna blow young girls minds! via lip

This guide is gonna blow young girls minds! via

The pair who did The Unofficial Madmen Cookbook have served up another “unofficial” TV coffee table book: The Unofficial Girls Guide to New York, because…there is just no end in sight to writing about the four chicks who’ve turned being female in Brooklyn into a proper noun. 

The travel guide/cookbook, which comes out right before Thanksgiving, is definitely more middle school slumber party than bachelorette weekend material. The press release previews contents like “Step into Cafe Grumpy and learn how to make a French Press coffee the way Ray and Hannah would” and “Go behind the scenes at Greenhouse, where Hannah and Elijah dance to the ‘iPad DJs’ AndrewAndrew” (umm, and do a shit ton of blow) “Plus a lot more–including Bushwick warehouse parties, the Lower East Side gallery scene, and Roberta’s, Brooklyn’s hippest pizza place.”

OK, so no “recipes” for what to do when your fuck buddy tries to stick in your butt, or if you accidentally smoke crack at one of these Bushwick warehouse parties, or when the genius artist you’ve been fantasizing about finally has sex with you, he sets up a doll to “watch” the two of you? How about a day-in-life guide to an OCD-crazed Hannah, with numbered steps to the train and precisely doled out food portions?

I guess we’ve got a perfect Hanukkah present for the Shoshannah in our lives? We’ll play big sister and write notes about big-girl stuff in the margins.