Look, we get it, you don’t have everything in life that you wish you had. But look at your friend Barney, that materially comfortable and well-adjusted jerk. Well, he’s still your friend, but it’s about time you used some advice from Lifehacker to subtly use your friendship to your advantage, by using it to keep up on your favorite TV show, get free booze and expand your media library. Because why should friendship be limited to just mutual respect and admiration among peers, when you could get stuff too?
Lifehacker dispensed a bunch of useful advice to mooch without crossing a (noticeable) line, as part of their Evil Week. Here’s the one we liked the most:
PLAN TV PARTIES
You don’t have a TV and you don’t have cable, because that shit is expensive. But your friends do, because they have better jobs than you. So figure out which friends do, on a spreadsheet if you have to, and see what shows you have in common. Suggest you make a thing out of watching the Fox Tuesday comedy block or The Walking Dead every week. Boom, no more worrying about going to jail for downloading that stuff and you don’t have to avoid Twitter spoilers.
RESTOCK THAT BOOZE CABINET
Having parties is a great way to bring all your friends together for goodwill and brotherhood. Also, since we’re all adults, no one shows up without booze anymore. Oh sure you can play the decent host by buying a 12 pack and some chips, but in return for that small investment, your friends will all inevitably show up with more alcohol than they can drink. And who gets to keep it? That’s right, you do. (Also, here’s some tips on how to make the leftover booze even better)
YOUR FRIEND’S LIBRARY HAS NO LATE FEES
Can’t go back to the public library because you owe something like $1500 in late fees? That movie you wanted to see isn’t streaming on Netflix or Hulu? You’d be surprised how many of your friends want to show off how well-read they are by telling you that of course you can borrow Infinite Jest, you haven’t read it? There’s no due date, just your friends increasingly passive-aggressive questions as to how you haven’t played through all of Final Fantasy VII or finished reading their copy of the last Scott Pilgrim book yet.
Be sure to check out the rest of the Lifehacker article, and their Evil Week posts for more ways to be lawful evil
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