“Whew, thank god they already have a Brooklyn Industries here.”

There are no jobs in this country any more, and probably not planet Earth at all, because according to this chart, all you struggling actors are in just as crappy a lot as all the unemployed mobile home installers and game cage workers in America. So what to do about it? To paraphrase President Bush: “M-A-R-S bitches.”

That’s right: Mars One, the Netherlands-based group looking to set up a human colony on Mars in 10 years, yesterday released application criteria for those wanting to join the ranks of the first people to step foot on the planet. The criteria are surprisingly easy to meet. And the best (worst?) part: the citizens of earth get to vote on who makes the final cut to the go to the red planet, like some sort of horrible hybrid of American Idol and Prometheus.

OK, so before we go on, we should point out that, considering world governments that take 15 years to determine if polluting the oceans and sky is something that we should stop, we should be skeptical that we will have a functioning human colony in outer space in 10 years (It’s only been 10 years ago since the Iraq war started, don’t forget).

But this list of qualifications has surprisingly nothing to do with math, science or ability to run sideways if a giant spaceship is about to land on you; instead, Mars One is looking for things like a creativity, trust and a “can do attitude!” (exclamation their’s).

Accepted applicants will have to go through eight years of training. And the flight out there takes 10 years, so you can finally finish Infinite Jest at least.  Not quite as appealing as this job, but still.

One more thing: like going from journalism to a job in PR, there’s no going back. Once you’re on Mars, Mars is your new home. But we’ll send a rover every now and then to say hi.

[via Wired]

Related Articles


I've got pocket warmers in my pants and most of Brooklyn is currently covered in ice but spring is right around the corner and...


There's a whole world of home improvement waiting to be sold, and you could be the one for the job. Are you interested in...


Every TED Talk you’ve forced yourself to sit through agrees: Networking is important. Especially in a city like New York, it’s all about who...


Despite the climate of fear and anticipation of rapid, negative change that has shrouded liberal hearts and minds nationwide since November, there is still...


Leave a Reply