07/31/14 7:00am
Don't worry, you're not too old.

Don’t worry, you’re not too old.

1. Head to Industry City for R100, a Japanese film about a guy who joins an underground S&M club and discovers things can get weird when you do that. (Friday)

2. Salute one of humanity’s greatest inventions (or was it a discovery?) with a four-course cheese-centric meal at this Speakcheesey. (Friday)

3. See garage rockers Galapagos Now! and the Dreadful Crows at Glasslands. (Friday) (more…)

07/30/14 2:06pm
sharknado the second one

Gonna be honest…this is only like the third or fourth weirdest thing we’ve ever seen on the streets around here.

Caught up in the Sharknado epidemic? We are too, and the only thing that’s better than watching an awesomely bad movie is watching an awesomely bad movie while drinking with a group of strangers who share that appreciation with you. Especially an awesomely bad movie in which tornadoes hurl gigantic sharks around a major metropolitan area in an insane and frightful frenzy. This edition of Sharknado is extra-special, because in Sharknado 2: The Second One, all shark/tornado hell breaks loose in Manhattan! Yet another reason why Brooklyn is the better borough.

Know your Sharknado evacuation zone! Head down to the South 4th Bar & Cafe (90 South 4th Street) for a viewing party of Sharknado 2: The Second One! This is one movie you won’t get scolded for talking over. (more…)

07/28/14 10:56am
It's all your favorite movies built into one!

It’s all your favorite movies built into one! via ComicsBulletin

1. We keep hearing awesome things about The Lego Movie, so see what the hype’s about at this Coney Island showing.(Monday)

2. See Fried Green Tomatoes, which got favorable reviews on Rotten Tomatoes, at Red Hook Flicks. (Tuesday)

3. Watch American Psycho at Crown Vic and revive all your suspicions of well-groomed men. (Tuesday) (more…)

07/25/14 11:20am
mccarren hotel and pool

Look at these fucking hipsters (at their luxury hotel). via Facebook

We don’t know what it is about people that they can’t let go of the idea that Williamsburg is chock full of hipsters, but every day brings a new piece of news that hammers home IT FUCKING ISN’T. Today’s sign that Williamsburg is for stockbrokers: a $1.75 million two-bedroom apartment overlooking the McCarren Hotel pool that’s being pitched as the perfect antidote to rich guys who just wanna wave their wallet around, with the Daily News chiming in that your new terrace gives you “plenty of opportunity for observing the doe-eyed hipster set in its summer skivvies.”

And what art school dropout with pink streaks in her hair wouldn’t consider this scenario a heavy gusher:

But some locals think it would be a hit with Brooklyn babes.

One playboy’s advice: “You just walk down to the pool, get a drink and ask them if they want to come upstairs and freshen up.”

If that’s not game, we don’t know what is.

We didn’t think the Williamsburg J. Crew would take a shambling, Jager-puking human form so quickly, but then who are we to argue with the dark arts?

Follow Dave for more class warfare at @DaveCoIon

07/24/14 9:50am
myspace the party

Now THIS is a party. via Mashable

1. Celebrate Brooklyn is screening Amandla!: A Revolution in Four-Part Harmony, which looks at the role of music in the struggle against apartheid. (Friday)

2. Head to Littlefield’s Destination Moon for some otherworldly music and art. (Friday)

3. Take a trip back to the days of social media before Facebook at all-night rager MySpace The Party Episode IV: A New Mope at Glasslands. Bring your Top 8! (Friday) (more…)

07/22/14 9:47am
williamsburg j. crew

wow. such graffiti. much hipster. very art. via J. Crew

We tried to goof on the Williamsburg J. Crew by getting hold of the employee handbook for the store, but you know, it sounds like they’re doing a good enough job parodying themselves. From T Magazine:

“We didn’t want to just go and do graffiti,” says Jenna Lyons, J.Crew’s creative director. Initially, she wanted to keep the store’s facade as she’d found it — covered in posters and spray-painted tags. “Unfortunately when we did a survey of the space, the facade was actually in such poor shape we had to replace quite a bit of the brick,” she said. “We asked, ‘Who is a local artist who might be able to do help us tell people we’re coming in a way that’s not obvious and might be able to reference that graffiti sensibility — but making it feel more modern?’ ”

But forget about Lyons’s real employees for a second: what would Hannah Horvath think of a J.Crew moving into Williamsburg?

YES, WHAT? Just a reminder, that if you hear anyone make jokes about Williamsburg hipsters these days, that person is a terrible hack and should be tied to the tip of an ICBM and shot into space.

07/21/14 10:27am
Get a good look, because you won't see much on the other side of that fence.

Get a good look, because you won’t see much on the other side of that fence.

1. Marvel at some big shiny computer graphics at the Coney Island Flicks screening of Iron Man 3. (Monday)

2. Get your magical realism fix with this book release for Land of Love and Drowning, which follows several generations of a family in the Virgin Islands. (Monday)

3. Go to Night Owl Comedy, it’ll be a hoot. (Tuesday) (more…)

07/21/14 10:11am

It’s Monday, the start of another boring week of drudgery at your office or your home office. Maybe you’re sick of wearing a suit or dealing with Optimum and the world’s worst internet service and you want a job that’s wild and free. Well, this documentary on Bill, the Best Pizza delivery man, will give you an insight into another way of living. Perks of the job include exercise, making good money compared to bike messaging and having people get excited at your presence. Downsides include getting jumped by kids, trying to balance two bags of pizza on your bike and severed pinky tips. Do those risks outweigh the fact that sitting in a chair every day could be killing you? Only you can decide!

[via Free Williamsburg] (more…)

07/18/14 9:23am
summer fridays

You COULD sit in a kiddie pool on your roof, but think about all the fun stuff you’d be missing out on.

If you’re lucky enough to have a job that gives you summer Fridays (or any job at all), you’re pretty much killing us here at Brokelyn if you’re using your free, salaried time to watch Netflix. We’re not going to say we’re not jealous of your paid free hours, but even while secretly hating you we want you help you make the most of your summer Fridays.

Even though lucky you has permanent, parent-approved employment, you don’t need to spend a lot, or any, money to make the most of your much-deserved time off. (more…)

07/17/14 9:56am
Like this, but fewer layers.

Like this, but fewer layers. via Facebook

1. Even if you somehow hate music and produce, go to Turnip the Beet Rooftop Concert to at least salute that masterful pun. (Friday)

2. Show ManBoobs, featuring Danny Tamberelli, some support at their comedy show at Union Hall. (Friday)

3. Find out if comedy/rock show Birthnado is as terrifying as whatever you visualize when you see the word “Birthnado.” (Friday)

4. Rooftop Films is screening Mateo, about a white guy who picks up mariachi music in prison and goes busking in Cuba. (Friday) (more…)