He doesn’t care if you’ve been naughty or nice, just that you’ve been smashing the state

1. Check out a punk rock holiday benefit show at the Trash Bar. It benefits punk rock people like drug users and sex workers. (Friday)

2. Head to Videology to meet the Feebles. They sound friendly, but the Feebles are actually puppets on drugs. (Friday)

3. Go folk yourself. By which we mean enjoy a lovely evening of folk music. What did you think we were talking about? (Friday)

4. Nothing says Christmas like fuzzed-out, wailing rock music. Wait, we’re sorry. Nothing says war on Christmas more than that. (Friday)  (more…)

Remember the days when you wished they’d make love to you. via Feed it to my Goldfish

1. Remember a time when America made Boyz in II Men. (Friday)

2. You know what they say about people in glass houses: they’re excellent bellydancers. That’s what they say, right? (Friday)

3. Remember, unlike Black Friday, you don’t need to stab your neighbor for a deal at Small Business Saturday, both the Atlantic Avenue and Fulton Street happenings. (Saturday)

4. Get a haircut! No really, if you’ve been meaning to, this one will help Red Hook. (Saturday) (more…)

Jennifer Egan’s rolling deep this weekend. via Dossier

1. Try to win dinner at Blanca, which is apparently a popular restaurant (Friday)

2. Rock and roll for Sandy relief with Friend Roulette (Friday)

3. Get your best pair of reading shoes on for the Moby Dick Marathon (Friday and Saturday)

4. Help cook some Italian food. For people in a soup kitchen, not for yourself (Saturday) (more…)

Add another uniquely wacky Brooklyn event to the already massive to do list this weekend (see also: GoogaMooga, Litquake, etc.). On Sunday, May 20, the “world’s strongest men” will return to tear, bend and demolish their way through Coney Island for the first time in over 60 years. (more…)

FRIDAY
9pm: now this is an office christmas party: cubicle maze, byo boss shooting gallery, secret santa glory hole, kiss the intern booth, business suit bonfire and homemade snow cannons! bonus: open bar 9-10pm. gowanus ballrooom, $10 before 11pm, $20 after, $15 with rsvp.

9pm (thru sat): the house of yes ‘xmas spectacular: xmas around the world’ promises strong language, drug references, nudity (full frontal, male and female), racial profiling, strobes… fun! $20+. (more…)

FRIDAY
fri-sat: the doomsday film festival = 2 days of screenings (a boy and his dog, night of the comet, testament, hardware, more) and panels (paul ‘i wrote taxi driver’ schrader, wired’s kirs alexander, time out’s joshua rothkopf, more) on the theme of the end of days. spectacle theater (williamsburg), $8/program.

8pm: ‘un-supersize me’ food competition/holiday benefit/art show asks you to enter anything you want so long as it’s mini! fowler arts collective (greenpoint), $10 admission gets you tastings plus a raffle ticket, free to compete. (more…)

FRIDAY
thru sat: the annual cmj festival wraps things up. bonus: tips for scoping out the freebies.

thru sat: pitchfork’s answer to cmj, #offline, concludes with titus andronicus, matthew dear, javelin, more. brooklyn bowl, $10.

9pm: the gutter takes its movie series up to eleven with this is spinal tap. $9 admission includes two sly fox beers (stonehenge replicas not included). (more…)

FRIDAY
8pm: Talk dirty to me: get tips and hints for keeping us your partner hot in the bedroom. bonus: free lube samples! Babeland (Park Slope), free.

9pm: The Machine (honing their Pink Floyd skills for 20+ years) perform a mix of Floyd standards @ Brooklyn Bowl, $15

5pm-3am (thru Saturday): Puppets Jazz Bar (South Park Slope) is facing the possibility they may have to close their doors. help to keep them open at this two-day fundraiser. no cover, pay what you can. (more…)

FRIDAY
Thru 9/12: Exhibition of 50 of Andy Warhol’s late paintings includes artwork from his Last Supper series and his collaborations with Basquiat. Plus, curator Joseph Ketner lecture/q+a Sat 2pm. Brooklyn Museum, $10.

SATURDAY
2, 6pm: King Lou Reed and Queen Laurie Anderson join the procession down Coney’s Surf Ave for the 27th Annual Mermaid Parade (free). Stay ’til 6pm to get your minor league baseball fix for a fraction of the cost of the majors at the Brooklyn Cyclones first home game ($8-16). Bonus: fireworks! (more…)