02/14/17 4:59pm
Via @BrooklynCartoons on Instagram.

Via @BrooklynCartoons on Instagram.

What’s the state of Brooklyn dating in 2017? These reports today give us a pretty good snapshot of where you’re banging, who you’re banging and how far you’re willing to travel for it:

All about the Bush: Bushwick Daily surveyed 350 neighborhood residents to get the lowdown on their downlow and dirty sex habits. It turns out, 47 percent of responders were single and 27 percent have had sex in a bar bathroom. Plus there’s lots of sticky details about fingerbanging in a warehouse party and smashing (more that avocados) in the Hana food market, with juicy quotes such as:

“I have slept with a lot of Manhattan men, but Bushwick men have better beards anyway, and what a girl wouldn’t want that extra fluff around her vagina.” (more…)

02/14/17 11:35am

Perhaps you’re finding it hard to feel much in the mood for lurve today, seeing as the state of national politics presently falls somewhere between wilted three-week-old-bodega-flowers and a heart-shaped box full of carob-covered bed bugs and chlamydia. So if you’re not in the mood to make DIY chocolate treats, no one would blame you. Instead you might just want to consider the activity that truly matches what’s in our hearts right now: drinking heavily in a dimly lit dive bar.

Last year, Bushwick’s Bootleg Bar celebrated its second anniversary by releasing a truly amazing and outrageously bonkers retro-style commercial mashing up 80s-style car dealership spots and local TV ads. This year it’s back to celebrate Valentine’s Day with the above video, which it describes as “Eraserhead meets a 1-900 commercial.” It’s disturbing and dark and a little unnerving, making it the perfect video to watch on Valentine’s Day 2017. Damnit, I need a drink already. (more…)

02/14/17 11:11am
Who needs a lover when you have glitter? 5 ways to deck your body in sparkles this V-Day

Via Gypsy Shrine

Sure, a committed partner can provide you with kisses, cuddles, and a romantic dinner companion on today’s most capitalist, Hallmark bastardization of love — aka Single People Guilting Day. But who needs any of that when you can buy your weight in wholesale glitter for far less than the cost of all but the cheapest engagement ring?

On the real, you and your body are beautiful and a good way to remind yourself of this, especially when the world is hellbent on convincing you you need a man to complete you, is covering yourself in an obscene amount of sparkles. They’ll impede your eyesight so your peripheral vision is framed in a sparkly blur of iridescence that, while inconvenient for concentration, will literally soften your comprehension of the world by covering it in your own individual glitter-fog.

New Yorkers are famous for wearing all black, but we’re also famous for not giving a shit, so stage a personal rebellion against the February cold and dare to wear costume-level amounts of sparkles. It’s empowering, it’s pretty, and even though you shouldn’t ever wholly base your decisions on the reactions of others, you’ll be sure to brighten the days of the children and adults alike whose presence you grace as they slog through their commute only to notice your gleaming glittered face, a beacon of hope on a crowded F train. Paper Valentine’s are a nice gesture, but the beauty of strangers has a special power.

Here’s five ways to cover yourself in glitter this V Day. (more…)

02/10/17 12:29pm
A little drip chocolate painting via. Instagram

A little drip chocolate painting via. Instagram

Valentine’s Day: though one could arguably claim that it’s a fake holiday created by card and candy companies, but we all buy into it one way or another. For those who feel forever alone and/or work during the holiday, we treat ourselves to the day AFTER V-Day when all the candy is half-off. For those who are #blessed to have a significant bae in their lives, the splurging on material relics to prove your love can quickly add up. Either way, an inevitable box of half-eaten bites doesn’t really sit well in anyone’s budget.

Chocolate can get pretty pricey this time of year, and while the sentiment of buying a 210 -Piece Box of Chocolate for $375 in Chelsea might scream “YOU’RE GONNA PUKE WE’RE SO IN LOVE,” I’m here to show you that there’s another way to meet the sweetness quota without shelling out full-price dough: by making treats yourself! (more…)

02/07/17 3:55pm
Via Tender Trap.

Via Tender Trap.

Valentine’s Day is about celebrating love with pink hearts and flowers and little cards that have pictures of a trains on them. That’s all kids stuff though. Skip the candy hearts this year and celebrate Valentine’s Day the proper adult way by taking in erotic dancing, shopping for sex toys and enjoying an open bar, all in one place.

So ditch the cute cards and give up on trying to get dinner reservations and instead check out Dirty, an erotic exhibit of photographs, paintings, sculpture, performance, vendors and video happening at Tender Trap in Greenpoint on V-Day. This year, Brokelyn is happy to help present Dirty, which is brought to you by our friends at Get Summered, who are proving an wild and sexy way to spend a day of art, music and dancing. It all starts at 7pm with a one-hour Lagunitas open bar; and we’ve got a special discount for you, because we ❤️ you! (more…)

02/12/16 1:06pm
Via Flickr user Matthew Glasson.

Via Flickr user Matthew Glasson.

Hello, friends and lovers. Valentine’s Day is uponst us. It’s a day that means a lot of things for a lot of people: you could be snuggling up with your sweetheart, swiping left and right on Tinder, or drowning your single sorrows in half a pint of Chunky Monkey and a fifth of whiskey. Whatever it is you’re doing, you need music, right? So we here at Brokelyn have compiled not one, but TWO playlists for your Valentines-y, Spotify-ing pleasure: one of love songs to help set the mood, and one of break-up songs to help ease your pain. They’re comprised entirely of songs by current Brooklyn bands who understand the particular brand of borough-based love and heartbreak. (more…)

02/12/16 9:32am
We got a lot to talk about.

Settle in, we got a lot to talk about.

My fellow Brooklynites, I come to you today in anticipation of the world’s 616th Valentine’s Day. It’s not a holiday created by Hallmark, or a cruel joke played on single souls by all the happy couples of the world. It’s a tribute to love that was first observed as a romantic celebration in 1400. It’s historical, dammit.

Though some couples choose not to celebrate it, the importance of the holiday is certainly not lost on the singles of Brooklyn, who are often left feeling lonelier than ever on Feb. 14. For them, it’s a time to reflect on the past year of dating, the ups and downs of the grand Coney Island Cyclone of love. I’ve already shared my own noteworthy experiences spent looking for love, so this time around I turned my lens on the masses to get a broader picture of the state of modern romance in this fine borough. Is dating in Brooklyn truly harder than it is elsewhere? And is it as beautiful and romantic as the Brooklyn Bridge, or does it suck as much as seven years of suspended L Train service? Ladies and gentlemen, the state of dating in Brooklyn is not strong. (more…)

02/11/16 8:18am
Baby Soda Jazz Band is going to rock the Bootlegger's Tea Party (#)

Baby Soda Jazz Band is going to rock the Bootlegger’s Tea Party (#7)

1. No matter your feelings on the loviest holiday, we can all agree: your ex was the worst. Head to Syndicated for an Erase Your Ex Double-Feature of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. (Friday & Saturday, Syndicated, $5)

2. Get fit while finding—or rejecting!—love at Just Friends: The Chillest Valentine’s at a climbing gym, with live music, chocolates, and tandem climbing routes. (Friday, Brooklyn Boulders, $22)

3. Turn the love outward at the Bushwick Love Party, a charity fundraiser and kickin’ dance party with DJ sets by Chew-Fu, DJ Pony, and ILLspokinn. Proceeds go, via the 108 Lives Project, to earthquake sufferers in Phulping, Nepal. (Friday, Fine & Raw, $15) (more…)

02/13/15 4:06pm
It's either this, or going outside. Via simplyrecipes.com

It’s either this, or going outside. Via simplyrecipes.com

Very soon, that most beloved/behated holiday of the year is going to fall upon us: Valentine’s Day. Of course, this means that people are in the position to spend lots of money for the sole purpose of impressing their significant other, but for Brokelyners, it means something very different: time to start making stuff. Yep, everyone knows that hand-made gifts are better because: 1. It translates your true love and compassion and 2. You’re so poor you use delivery napkins as toilet paper. Also, good God, it’s murder-stoppingly cold outside.

Making dinner for your boyfriend/girlfriend is an instant panty/boxer dropper, saves you a ton of money, and couldn’t be easier to do. To illustrate that point, here are two super-simple recipes for a romantic night snuggled up inside with the thermostat set to 90°. (more…)

02/13/15 11:12am
A little jizz in the hair would be a welcome relief in these dating stories.

A little jizz in the hair would be a welcome relief in these dating stories.

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow, which means that everyone’s mind is on love or sex or dating, despite the fact that it’s almost universally an awful cesspool of vomit, inappropriate come-ons, cheapskates, chair throwers, bail jumpers, crybabies and drunk assholes who’ll drop you off their bikes. OK fine, there might be some hope out there, but let’s take a moment to remember just how bad things can be in the dating world with these stories of the worst dates Team Brokelyn has ever been on. (more…)