02/12/16 1:06pm
Via Flickr user Matthew Glasson.

Via Flickr user Matthew Glasson.

Hello, friends and lovers. Valentine’s Day is uponst us. It’s a day that means a lot of things for a lot of people: you could be snuggling up with your sweetheart, swiping left and right on Tinder, or drowning your single sorrows in half a pint of Chunky Monkey and a fifth of whiskey. Whatever it is you’re doing, you need music, right? So we here at Brokelyn have compiled not one, but TWO playlists for your Valentines-y, Spotify-ing pleasure: one of love songs to help set the mood, and one of break-up songs to help ease your pain. They’re comprised entirely of songs by current Brooklyn bands who understand the particular brand of borough-based love and heartbreak. (more…)

02/12/16 9:32am
We got a lot to talk about.

Settle in, we got a lot to talk about.

My fellow Brooklynites, I come to you today in anticipation of the world’s 616th Valentine’s Day. It’s not a holiday created by Hallmark, or a cruel joke played on single souls by all the happy couples of the world. It’s a tribute to love that was first observed as a romantic celebration in 1400. It’s historical, dammit.

Though some couples choose not to celebrate it, the importance of the holiday is certainly not lost on the singles of Brooklyn, who are often left feeling lonelier than ever on Feb. 14. For them, it’s a time to reflect on the past year of dating, the ups and downs of the grand Coney Island Cyclone of love. I’ve already shared my own noteworthy experiences spent looking for love, so this time around I turned my lens on the masses to get a broader picture of the state of modern romance in this fine borough. Is dating in Brooklyn truly harder than it is elsewhere? And is it as beautiful and romantic as the Brooklyn Bridge, or does it suck as much as seven years of suspended L Train service? Ladies and gentlemen, the state of dating in Brooklyn is not strong. (more…)

02/11/16 8:18am
Baby Soda Jazz Band is going to rock the Bootlegger's Tea Party (#)

Baby Soda Jazz Band is going to rock the Bootlegger’s Tea Party (#7)

1. No matter your feelings on the loviest holiday, we can all agree: your ex was the worst. Head to Syndicated for an Erase Your Ex Double-Feature of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Forgetting Sarah Marshall. (Friday & Saturday, Syndicated, $5)

2. Get fit while finding—or rejecting!—love at Just Friends: The Chillest Valentine’s at a climbing gym, with live music, chocolates, and tandem climbing routes. (Friday, Brooklyn Boulders, $22)

3. Turn the love outward at the Bushwick Love Party, a charity fundraiser and kickin’ dance party with DJ sets by Chew-Fu, DJ Pony, and ILLspokinn. Proceeds go, via the 108 Lives Project, to earthquake sufferers in Phulping, Nepal. (Friday, Fine & Raw, $15) (more…)

02/13/15 4:06pm
It's either this, or going outside. Via simplyrecipes.com

It’s either this, or going outside. Via simplyrecipes.com

Very soon, that most beloved/behated holiday of the year is going to fall upon us: Valentine’s Day. Of course, this means that people are in the position to spend lots of money for the sole purpose of impressing their significant other, but for Brokelyners, it means something very different: time to start making stuff. Yep, everyone knows that hand-made gifts are better because: 1. It translates your true love and compassion and 2. You’re so poor you use delivery napkins as toilet paper. Also, good God, it’s murder-stoppingly cold outside.

Making dinner for your boyfriend/girlfriend is an instant panty/boxer dropper, saves you a ton of money, and couldn’t be easier to do. To illustrate that point, here are two super-simple recipes for a romantic night snuggled up inside with the thermostat set to 90°. (more…)

02/13/15 11:12am
A little jizz in the hair would be a welcome relief in these dating stories.

A little jizz in the hair would be a welcome relief in these dating stories.

It’s Valentine’s Day tomorrow, which means that everyone’s mind is on love or sex or dating, despite the fact that it’s almost universally an awful cesspool of vomit, inappropriate come-ons, cheapskates, chair throwers, bail jumpers, crybabies and drunk assholes who’ll drop you off their bikes. OK fine, there might be some hope out there, but let’s take a moment to remember just how bad things can be in the dating world with these stories of the worst dates Team Brokelyn has ever been on. (more…)

02/10/15 9:23am

saks 5th avenue brooklyn perfume

Brooklyn hasn’t always been the in-demand hot spot it is today. Now, not only does everyone from Hillary Clinton to J. Crew want in, but the name itself has become a brand. In the vein of “put a bird on it,” if you put “a Brooklyn on it,” retailers figure that merchandise will fly off the shelves. Barneys, Saks Fifth Avenue, Etsy; no matter if it’s a handmade merchant or high-end retailer, we were able to find bizarre or exorbitantly priced (sometimes both) Brooklyn-branded items like a $700 python-skin Nets hat or a $200 Brooklyn Bridge onesie that literally looks like shit, that will make the perfect anti-Valentine’s Day gift. Buy your sweetheart any of these and you can almost ensure a hasty break-up. (more…)

02/06/15 12:50pm
sweet, sweet Photobooth action at the Greenpointers market. via mcbrooklyn blogspot

Sweet, sweet Photobooth action at the Greenpointers market. Via mcbrooklyn blogspot.

If you know what’s good for you this holiday, you won’t be setting foot anywhere near Katz’s or Serendipity. While all those lousy Manhattanites are piddling around trying to recreate scenes from rom-coms, we of Brooklyn have you all set up with a bunch of better ideas for the big day and the week leading up to it. None of our suggestions will cost you $1,000, and every single one gives you the chance to do what this borough does best—either with somebody special, or a total stranger! (more…)

02/06/15 8:00am
brokelyn beer book

Beer would never break up with you.

Flowers and dour, sweets are beat and all those other heteronormative gifts are really heterBOREmative gifts. This Valentine’s Day, don’t disappoint your boo with some Hallmark-approved shlock (or, heavens forbid, a ticket to see Fifty Shades of Grey). Because instead, what says “I love you” more than “here are 30 free beers now let’s go get druuuuunk”?

Today is the last call to order the Brokelyn Beer Book in time for delivery before Valentine’s Day. Our middle Brooklyn (Park Slope, Cobble Hill, Red Hook, etc) edition already sold out for the year, but you can still buy one for South Brooklyn & Rockaway or our brand new Upper Brooklyn book, which contains coupons for beers at more than 30 bars in Williamsburg, Bushwick, Bed-Stuy and Greenpoint for just $30! Order one here now; they’re only available once a year! (more…)

02/04/15 2:41pm
tinder live

Now with more prison! via Zoomin.tv

It seems that you can’t even have a conversation without the mention of Tinder, the seedy characters involved and the bizarre narrative that usually follows. You may have also seen Lane Moore tear it apart on the site in a web-based version of her cheap comedy show, Tinder LIVE. If you haven’t made it out to the actual show though, this time around she is bringing you a version of it that could really kindle your flame, by doling out love advice and Tinder zingers with the all-star cast of Orange is the New Black including that trigger-happy Yoga Jones (Connie Shulman, who is also the voice of Patti Mayonnaise!) and nun-gone-bad Sister Jane (Beth Fowler).  (more…)


If your Valentine’s Day game has been somewhat lacking in the past, then Greenpointers is the answer to all of your cupid-related anxieties. This weekend, they’re holding their annual Valentines Market to help you get your romance game up to the next level with gifts you can buy your sweetie from 60+ vendors set up to help out in all things romantic. Plus, you’ll find us there hawking the newest edition of our Beer Book, featuring over 30 different bars all itching to give you cheap beer (because if your S.O. isn’t into cheap beer, then you should probably break it off) because, what’s more romantic than beer?