02/14/14 8:03am
All you need to have a delicious Valentine's Day. Photo by Isaac Anderson

All you need to have a delicious Valentine’s Day. Photo by Isaac Anderson

Valentine’s Day is here, and you’ve decided to opt-out of corporate conglomerate drugstores and their overpriced, crappy chocolate in tacky, throwaway, “heart”-shaped packaging. Maybe you’ll take the high road and eschew this questionable product, instead splurging on your someone special by taking them out for a Beyonce-themed meal, but this is Brokelyn, and you don’t have that kind of money–well, that, and maybe you’re not dating anyone, anyway, because decent Brooklyn dudes make themselves scarce and BK ladies are overly picky, so you’ll likely still just unceremoniously stuff your face on all that bullshit chocolate anyway when it goes on sale after all of this forced fanfare is over.

But friends, readers, boroughmen, fear not! There is a third way that comes from your real, still-beating, heart and your tiny, underutilized kitchen: DIY chocolate truffles. While not quite as cheap as an entirely free Valentine’s Day, the bang for your buck for these baller balls cannot be beat, and you can totally serve them in your own, anatomically-correct heart to boot–as in a paper-mâché one you make, not that aforementioned, pulsing hunk of muscle in your chest: you still need that one! (more…)

02/13/14 3:23pm
"What? You said you wanted cookies for Valentine's Day and you wanted me to be honest." via Pamela Cooks

“What? You said you wanted cookies for Valentine’s Day and you wanted me to be honest.” via Pamela Cooks

People like talking about love on Valentine’s Day, as if it always works out and doesn’t involve massive amount of pain for people. Sure sometimes it works out for you, but just as often, you get hurt and you stay out drinking until 6am to feel better, and wind up in a bar where someone is throwing up and being louder then a jet engine. Anyway, getting dumped: it sucks!

The worst one that happened to me hurt so much because it was so unexpected. I’d been hanging out with a girl for few weeks and thought everything was going just fine. That is until one night after a night of drinking capped off with dinner at a Bushwick falafel joint, I asked her if she wanted to go to a show later that week. Only to have her start with the “I really really want to just go back to being friends” shpiel while we stood in cold outside the food place. That one is tame, especially compared to these other horror stories from Brokelyn contributors, but if you’ve never been dumped out of freaking nowhere in the middle of winter while the fluorescent lights of a cheap falafel place shone on you, you should consider yourself lucky. Because that shit hurts. But maybe not as much as these stories. (more…)

02/13/14 1:24pm
brooklyn night bazaar

A Brooklyn Night Bazaar SuperPass will allow you to play free mini-golf, but don’t let the competitiveness ruin your date night. via Facebook

Whether you’re in a highly dysfunctional relationship, pissed that you’re single, or (gasp!) happily dating get your head in the game this Valentine’s Day, there’s a lot of cool stuff going on. Yes, some of it revolves around gushy love stuff or lonely angst, but hey, nothing’s perfect. Skip the Groupon prix fixe dinner in Midtown and check out some of these Valentine’s alternatives:

(more…)

02/12/14 11:01am
prospect park winter

Why pay on Valentine’s Day when you can walk through a tunnel of love (of sorts) in Prospect Park? via Flickr user Mambo’Dan

Valentine’s Day is coming up, and you know what that means: Duane Reade is guilting you with boxes of overpriced chocolates you now feel pressured to buy for your main squeeze on that “special” day. If you’re reading Brokelyn, you probably want to impress a significant other without breaking the bank (unless you’re these guys) and sometimes collaging pictures together from your road trip to Philly just isn’t going to cut it. In the spirit of romance and all that, here’s a ready-to-go, adventure-packed and couples-approved free Valentine’s Day in BK. It won’t cost you anything, but there may be a few catches along the way.  (more…)

02/12/14 8:36am
moonstruck

Dinner for two, and Nic Cage: what could be more romantic?

[UPDATE: We heard from Solerno and they say the tickets and the waiting list are all full up! Of course, you can still have an awesome Valentine's Day for no money]

Nobody knows romance like the Italians and no one loves a free meal like Brokelyn. So we couldn’t be happier to let you know about a chance to grab a free pre-Valentines day three-course meal,with  cocktails and a movie screening to boot, this Thursday at 7pm, at Nitehawk.

The film of the night is the classic (and Brooklyn-set) romantic comedy Moonstruck. Considering it has the theatrical stylings of early Nicolas Cage and Cher, how could you resist? I grew up on this movie because my mom is an absolute sucker for 80s romcoms, and a then-chiseled and less meme-y Nicolas Cage. Cage spends the movie dramatically overcoming the tragic of a loss of his hand (spoiler alert), unintentionally adding to the comedy component. (more…)
02/11/14 4:32pm
newtown digester eggs

Finally, something grosser on Valentine’s Day than rampant PDA

Everyone’s always trying to think outside the box for Valentine’s Day, even though no matter what you do you’re still stuck in its box of heteronormative bullshit idea of celebrating societally approved love for a day. But, we know that shit won’t fly if that’s what you tell your boyfriend instead of doing something for Valentine’s Day. So instead of looking outside the box, why not look inside the sewer, more specifically, the Newtown Creek Digester Eggs, by taking a free Valentine’s Day tour of them this Friday? (more…)

02/10/14 1:23pm
TK caption

If you’ve been wondering where Janeane Garofalo’s been, she’s been hiding behind this bench the whole time

1. Get some culture by hearing a play about a haunted prize claw machine read at the Bushwick Starr’s monthly reading series (Monday)

2. It’s hip to be a square, as a wise man once said, so Muchmore’s comedy variety show Cube must be some kind of ultra-hip thing to do (Monday)

3. Help make the world’s largest-ever paper heart chain at West Elm in DUMBO. Not just for the record, you glory hound, but because it helps raise money for St. Jude’s Children’s Research Hospital (Tuesday)

4. Learn what desiccated old fossils the Rolling Stones have to say about each and every one of the many guitars they’ve used at a release party for Rolling Stones Gear at BookCourt (Tuesday) (more…)

powerhouse arena

If you can’t think of some book, any book to get her, how strong is your relationship anyway? via Facebook

We’re basically at DEFCON 1 with Valentine’s Day, what with it being this week, and you’re probably panicking a little bit because you haven’t bought your boo a gift. Plus, shouldn’t there be something in this whole thing for you? Well, never fear, because the folks at powerHouse Arena are here with a buy one book, get a second half-off sale that lasts through Valentine’s Day. Finally, some people who recognize that Valentine’s Day is as much about treating yourself as it is treating your alleged special someone. (more…)

02/06/14 8:11am
gunfight!

These four will make music. All you need to do is show up and drink the sake bombs. via Facebook

1. Eight of Swords is hosting Fragmented Being, a sculpture exhibition that’s perfect for your fragmented mind. Plus, after the art comes the after party! (Friday)

2. Babeland knows you’ve got sex on the brain, so they’ll give you snacks, cocktails and their favorite sex tips, so that maybe your Valentine’s Day isn’t a bitter disappointment. Again (Friday)

3. Bearded troublemakers Gunfight! and Japanese rockers The Suzan are getting together in Bushwick for a rollicking evening of music and also sake bombs. When’s the last time you did a sake bomb? (Friday)

4. Reggae group The Big Takeover is taking over the Knitting Factory for their record release party. But in a nice way, they’re just playing music (Friday) (more…)

02/04/14 12:30pm
missed connection

Or you could just come to this party. via NYU Local

Few things are more frustrating than having a missed connection on the subway (except perhaps actually taking the subway). Maybe you made deep, powerful eye contact with the guy proselytizing about The End of Days. Maybe the busker who almost accidentally smashed your jaw with his guitar graced you with the most beautiful rendition of “Wonderwall” you’d heard that week. Maybe the tourist who asked if Times Square really is the pinnacle of the authentic New York experience had a charming accent.

The New York Transit Museum knows your frustration, and they want to help you be the irritating PDA couple everyone hates by finding you that special someone. That’s why they’re hosting their fourth annual Missed Connections party on Valentine’s Day, Friday, February 14 from 6:30pm to 8:30pm. (more…)