09/23/14 11:01am
space ninety 8

You ever get the feeling…you’re being watched? via Facebook

You probably would never have guessed Williamsburg is a stomping ground for the Illuminati, but the bro-heavy neighborhood has taken a turn to the spooky. Not only is it the stomping ground of disgraced, war-happy, human rights-violating ex-presidentsCrain’s reports today that the corporate mega-chains moving in see Williamsburg as a “secret lab,” in which they can jot down the shopping habits of the urban elite and learn to craft the aesthetic for Middle America. YOU’RE BEING WATCHED BY LULULEMON, SHEEPLE! Which, along with Helmut Lang apparently has plans to come to Williamsburg. (more…)

04/02/14 1:38pm
williamsburg urban outfitters

Plan Ninety Eight from Middle America. via Instagram

If there’s one problem with Williamsburg, beyond the fact that your mom lives there, it’s expensive, it has kind of bitchy neighbors and it’s a death trap, is that the neighborhood just isn’t cool. Finally though, purveyors of super cool Mitt Romney t-shirts and Rick Santorum political donations Urban Outfitters, are blessedly giving the neighborhood a dose of a cool with their store opening on Friday. It’s not just your normal Urban Outfitters though. This place is gonna be five floors of cool chewed up by account executives and lovingly thrown up back at you, like a mother bird feeding a baby bird. (more…)

10/04/13 2:08pm
An Urban Outfitters rep sits and ponders the company's next move. via Facebook

An Urban Outfitters rep sits and ponders the company’s next move. via Facebook

Bad news for those of you who were hoping to enjoy concoctions like The Tin Monkey, the Bushwick Mary and the Etsy Bitsy Biter: Williamsburg’s Community Board 1, acting agains the interests of all jokey bloggers everywhere, denied recommending Urban Outfitters get their liquor license. Thanks guys, now where will we find our jokes? (more…)

05/17/13 2:20pm
They can't believe it either.

Finally, somewhere to outfit your mouth with hipness. (Photography: Marco Novak; picture: A BANDA MAIS BONITA DA CIDADE/Curitiba/Brazil)

As you may have heard, not only is Williamsburg getting that Urban Outfitters it’s always needed, but the company is applying for a liquor license to open a cafe within the store. Befitting any major destination drinking spot in Brooklyn these days, they’re going to have an extensive artisanal cocktail menu, which sources close to the company have leaked to Brokelyn. Presented for your perusal, an exclusive first look at the menu of Cafe Urban Outfitters:  (more…)

04/22/13 8:59am
Now when you get in a cab to go home, you can just point at your shirt!

Now when you get in a cab to go home, you can just point at your shirt!

It’s almost summer, allegedly, even if the best you can hope for from the weather right now is freezing your ass off in Citi Field’s cheap seats. Summer, of course, means going to thrift shops and finding basketball jerseys to wear both because they are comfortable and because they’re still timely, because the NBA playoffs last until around August or it feels like that anyway. What if you don’t want to go to a thrift store though, because they’re too dirty or you’re taking a (non-violent) stand against Macklemore? Well, Urban Outfiters has your back with their Bushwick jersey/tanktop thing! (more…)

03/05/13 10:52am
Urban Outfitters shopper or Williamsburg resident? Trick question, she's both! via Facebook

Urban Outfitters shopper or Williamsburg resident? Trick question, she’s both! via Facebook

Obviously it’s been a long time since Williamsburg was thought of as anything approaching edgy (unless you were making a terrible pun about the condos), but even with the slowly encroaching i-banker hordes and upscale Salvation Armies, it at was at least a little weird. Now though, assuredly not weird purveyor-of-hipsterdom-to-the-suburbs headband warehouse Urban Outfitters may be getting ready to move in to the neighborhood. Your revolution is over, Mr. Adebimpe. Condolences. The beards lost. (more…)

01/07/13 11:39am
Your rent is paid and you're ready to take on the world.

Your rent is paid and you’re ready to take on the world.

As we previously noted, the sexual hijinks and financial emptiness (or is it the other way around?) of Girls is coming back to our pictocubes illegal downloads parents’ HBO Go accounts this year. Sunday in fact. And because they know we can use the money so as to better focus on our memoirs, HBO is going to give you a free year of rent just for following them on Twitter. (more…)

12/31/12 9:00am
occupy sandy brooklyn

Occupy Sandy volunteers, dominating the good feels in 2012. Photo by Jenna Pope.

Oh 2012. Everyone kept worrying about you being the last year in human history before you happened, and then by the time the election hit fifth gear, they were hoping you really would be. Despite all this, you readers managed to have a hell of a lot fun reading topless in the park, giving Philadelphia an inferiority complex and getting into the politics of Urban Outfitters and endlessly debating the merits of Girls. Even as the year ended with a powerful hurricane, it was met with an equally powerful outpouring of support from in-the-muck volunteers. We’ve been happy to bring you these stories this year, and we hope you had fun reading; so without further ado, here are our top stories of 2012: (more…)

12/07/12 1:00pm

Is this Bushwick’s future?

Our pals at Bushwick Daily found a story about plans for a mall to come to Bogart Street, right across from the Morgan L stop. Yes, if it weren’t already apparent, the Eye of Sauron-like gaze of New York City real estate is now peering intently at Bushwick. If the plan goes through, and as currently constructed it’s apparently going be a “retail and nightlife complex,” we’ll probably be able to pinpoint the exact day some idiot starts pushing the idea that “Morgantown” is a real neighborhood. (more…)

08/16/12 10:05am

Ryan Malarkey, a 23-year-old designer, says she spent “probably close to $10,000″ on ink. Photo (c) Paul Nathan / Generation Ink.

How many people do you know with epic tattoos? Of those people, how many of them are in a pretty much constant state of fiscal-overdrawnery and/or unemployment (AKA: “freelancing”)? Do they live in Williamsburg? Do they wish they did? They might be in photographer Paul Nathan’s new coffee table book, “Generation Ink: Williamsburg, Brooklyn,” featuring portraits of walking canvases who have spent upwards of $10,000 on their ink. Who are these people, where did they get $10,000 and why did they spend it on tattoos? And who are you to judge? You have a Louis Vuitton bag but are a month behind on rent! Oh, wait, that’s me. Did these people get their money’s worth? And what’s your number? (more…)