04/14/17 4:52pm

The gentrification will be televised.

According to pop culture lore, Brooklyn was founded by Miranda Hobbes of the Manhattan Hobbes, when she bravely planted a Manolo Blahnik across the bridge and settled the land in 2004. The borough became home to pantsless hipsters and multiple broke girls until 2012 when Hannah Horvath appeared and single-handedly drove up rent prices, put a cupcake ATM on every corner and made everyone start loving that Icona Pop song.

OK, so maybe that last one is true, but the rest is clearly bullshit. Blaming Girls for the rapid gentrification of certain Brooklyn neighborhoods is like blaming Austria’s loss at the Battle of Marengo on Napoloeon Crossing the Alps. But that hasn’t stopped folks from falsely attributing rising rents, the proliferation of Pinterest-ready dessert trends and the influx of hipster derivatives to the HBO series. (more…)

03/20/17 2:44pm
GIRLS

Jersey strong

The more things change, the more things stay the same, except for Hannah, I guess. Her life is facing a slew of changes, and it seems like she’s not only changing too, but changing for the best.

We begin with a very typical salad dinner for Marnie that Hannah has orchestrated to tell her about her pregnancy. (Literally the only carb Marnie could stand at dinner is Hannah’s bun in the oven.) Shockingly, Marnie takes the news of Hannah’s impending motherhood pretty well. It’s not until they disagree over informing the father that the typical sharp edges of their friendship show through. (more…)

03/13/17 12:37pm
What do you get the mom that has nothing? Weed gummies, obviously.

What do you get the mom that has nothing? Weed gummies, obviously.

Ready or not, here comes mama. Mama’s talkin’ loud, mama’s doin’ fine, except she’s really not doing fine at all. It’s more like Mama’s eating too many weed gummies and vomiting in Chinese restaurants. Let’s see Bernadette Peters try that.

Hannah’s mom Loreen is in town, and she’s in rough shape. These days she’s got a sweet medical marijuana hookup, and spends her lonely days stoned. As she munches on her first gummy worm, Hannah drops the bomb that she’s pregnant. Loreen reacts with a ton of chill, because she realizes Hannah feels like this really is her baby. (more…)

03/06/17 2:06pm
Feud: Season fourteen.

Feud, season fourteen, Hannah and Jessa.

Papa don’t preach, but also Patrick Wilson don’t preach. Just when you thought this week’ episode of Girls, “Painful Evacuation,” was all out of twists and turns, one shocker followed another until we were so overwhelmed we collapsed right into Elijah’s briefs. Hannah’s in trouble deep.

After last week’s stunning “American Bitch,” an episode that I’ve personally witnessed no less than half a dozen conversations about on the streets of Brooklyn since it aired, we’re back in the throes of our core characters’ daily drama. This was an episode HBO withheld from critics/lowly television recappers, which generally means it’s going to be chock full of surprises. Boy howdy, was it. (more…)

02/27/17 1:41pm
Hannah and Chuck Palmer square off.

Hannah and Chuck Palmer square off.

Let’s cut to the chase: Last night’s episode of Girls is not the kind of thing that lends itself to the kinds of flip, jokey recaps we typically produce. In fact, being the one to discuss the episode at all feels slightly icky, as it focuses specifically on the experiences of young women placed in uncomfortable positions where power dynamics complicate consent. (I re-read that last sentence at least six times, and I’m still not sure it properly says what I want it to.) Still, the episode necessitates conversation, and I hope this post creates space in the comments and social media for others to weigh in with their takes. (Plus my editor shot down my earlier attempts of getting out of this.)

Let’s all try our best, OK?

(more…)

02/20/17 2:26pm
Heels on wheels.

Heels on wheels.

Two’s company, but three’s a crowd, unless it’s three people going together to Poughkeepsie, in which case you might need that third person to keep your ex-husband from shimmying down the chimney to get his Oxycontin.

Finally, someone is portraying the real millennial Brooklyn. The one that confronts their Oxycontin ex-husband in Poughkeepsie.

Allow me to explain. Marnie and Desi are still being so gross, and they decide to take a road trip to romantic Poughkeepsie for reasons that remain unclear. To help mask the charade, Hannah tags along. While squirreled away in their cabin, Marnie finds Desi’s mason jar full of Oxycontin, because — twist! — he’s been addicted to Oxy this whole time. Marnie, of course, does the entirely wrong thing, smashing his mason jar and stomping on his stash, turning Desi into a full-blown Marky Mark Fear monster, smashing windows and terrorizing Hannah and Marnie for a weird horror movie segment. The whole situation allows Hannah to drop some knowledge on Marnie: Maybe she didn’t realize her husband was pounding Oxy like they’re fucking Mentos because she’s too busy always thinking of her self. Mind blown. (more…)

09/16/15 1:15pm
Are you a chill goth? Keep reading. via Flickr user Bryan Ledgard

Are you a chill goth? Keep reading. via Flickr user Bryan Ledgard

Goths, Cure fans, countrymen: Lend us your ears! Has your chosen subculture not led to the fame or financial reward that all Americans deserve from birth? Did you not get picked when Martin Scorsese came looking for punks and weirdos for his TV show? Well that’s okay because MTV wants you and they’re younger than some lol old like Martin Scorsese. The only catches are that they don’t want just any goths, they want “legit goths” and you have to go up to Westchester. Still could be worth it. (more…)

06/12/15 2:57pm

It’s hot out there, possibly even too hot to read. If that’s the case for you, don’t worry about reading our list of cool things to do this weekend, instead just watch us talk about it on BK Live with our pal Richard Burroughs of The Brooklyn Reader (who agrees with us on the cosmic reading party). And while we were beard and Rangers-sweater free, it’s also the first of probably many segments on the summer we get to show off our sweet throwback jersey collection. If you wanna know more about our weekend picks, they are:

Brooke Borel on bedbugs
Jaws entirely from memory
How to do Northside for free
El Cantante at Habana Outpost

If you’d like to know more about our sweet throwback jersey collection, just ask. (more…)

01/15/15 10:46am
ilanavag

Ladies, always remember to look within

Season 2 of Broad City started last night, which means the return of our favorite hedonistic don’t-give-a-fuck slackers Abbi and Ilana. “In Heat” cast our stoned heroines in the dregs of NYC summer, dealing with all those #summerproblems we know so well: the bummer of chronic swamp ass, the grossness of trying to get it on without an AC unit, the utter futility of trying to dry your sweat with a hair dryer (has anyone tried this before?).

Even though we are so, so cold right now, did it make us miss summer? Nah, but it did make us feel like maybe we wasted our youth, and that we should have taken more bong rips and spent more time just hangin’ at Bed Bath & Beyond. (more…)

11/10/14 12:47pm
girls season 4

Maybe Hannah will write one of those “Leaving New York” personal essays

The seasons are changing, and with them brings the cool chill of millennial Brooklynites fucking up, fucking each other, and…moving to Iowa? That’s right, Girls may not be back until January, but the season four trailer dropped over the weekend.

Hannah looks happy writing about herself and frolicking in cow country, Adam seems apathetic and tortured about it (per usual), Marnie’s getting laid by her taken bandmate (which totally won’t backfire), Shosh is about to get bitch slapped real hard by “The Real World,” and by the end of the season Jessa will be dead with four midgets in an opium den in Saigon. I jest – but who knows? I wouldn’t put it past Lena. If anything, this season looks like it will be a nice departure from the very dark, grim, and ultimately depressing tone of the last. Hopefully things are on the upswing for these twentysomething tropes, because Girls is basically a Farmer’s Almanac for how well us millennials will weather the ensuing year.