Can you do better than Clementine’s cinnamon rolls? We bet you can.

As we’ve previously discussed, Brooklyn is home to plenty of vegan stick-to-your-ribs goodness. Of course, why should we let professional chefs have all the fun of making food? What, they know better than us just because they’ve devoted their whole lives to it? Our buddies at the skint are giving you the chance to prove your vegan red velvet cake is just as good as a pro’s by entering their Vegan Bake Off, at the Bell House. (more…)

The scene at last year’s party. Who’s got two thumbs and is ready to party with bloggers? via the Brooklyn Chem

So it’s bright and shiny outside when it isn’t gray and rainy. It’s still really close to Christmas, even if the weather thinks we’re in the middle of spring in Scotland. And there’s nothing better about Christmas than the parties. One of which is being held by ourselves and our bloggers-in-arms, Fucked in Park Slope, the skint and Brooklyn Based, Thursday at 7:30 at Littlefield. Oh, did you think I was gonna say the gifts are the best part of Christmas? Yeah, I’m Jewish, so I wouldn’t know. (more…)

He doesn’t care if you’ve been naughty or nice, just that you’ve been smashing the state

1. Check out a punk rock holiday benefit show at the Trash Bar. It benefits punk rock people like drug users and sex workers. (Friday)

2. Head to Videology to meet the Feebles. They sound friendly, but the Feebles are actually puppets on drugs. (Friday)

3. Go folk yourself. By which we mean enjoy a lovely evening of folk music. What did you think we were talking about? (Friday)

4. Nothing says Christmas like fuzzed-out, wailing rock music. Wait, we’re sorry. Nothing says war on Christmas more than that. (Friday)  (more…)

FRIDAY
8pm: get a preview of the brooklyn folk festival (5/18-20) at jalopy with elizabeth butters, 4 o’clock flowers, the whiskey spitters and the dust busters, $10.

8pm: lush rock band bird of youth play the rock shop, $8.

8pm-3am: the red and black masquerade ball promises buto, aerialists, projection installations, and live music. red and black formalwear strongly encouraged. house of yes, $12 admission includes a drink. (more…)

FRIDAY
7pm: musician/author and former soul coughing leader mike doughty discusses his book the book of drugs: a memoir at book court, free

8pm: new skaters get assigned to their teams at the gotham girls roller derby annual blow-out: the derbytaunt ball. free brooklyn brewery beer 8-9pm (while supplies last), $4 mixed sailor jerry cocktails and $2 sailor jerry shots all night long. littlefield, $15.  (more…)

FRIDAY
7pm: put on your best specs for nerd night trivia and presentations about genetic genealogy, malaria, and ways to ace standardized tests. galapagos, $10-14.

7:30pm: celebrate the launch of hella bitter’s new seltzer cart with all-you-can-drink cocktails at windmill studios (287 kent ave), $10. (more…)

FRIDAY
6-8pm: sample local booze/wine and support the brooklyn bridge park conservancy. waterfront wines & spirits, free.

8pm: savoir adore, via audio and lightyear play cameo, $10-12.

8pm: noisepunk band parts + labor play with oneida, neptune and noveller at 285 kent, $10. (more…)

FRIDAY
7:30pm: experience jj abrams’ new show alcatraz as an interactive bank heist investigation event where you help solve the mystery while exploring three levels of the historic williamsburg savings bank. 1 hanson place, free. (more…)

FRIDAY
7pm: bring your written break-up stories to read aloud at word’s v-day edition of ‘just working on my novel‘ (10-minute time limit), free.

8pm: is it hot in peru, or is it just us? alistair r. noble of the hollow earth society lectures on the phallic stone monuments recently discovered near — wait for it — lake titicaca. observatory, $5.  (more…)

You should choo-choo-choose to go to this!

If all the rest of these ideas for taking your sweetie out/finding someone to at least Band Aid over your shattered heart for V-Day have failed you, we’ve got one more big chance: our friends at the skint are presenting this Sunday’s special Tell Your Friends (With Benefits) Valentine’s Day show at the Bell House, and we have a pair of tickets to give away! The show is hosted by Liam McEneaney, and features Wyatt Cenac of The Daily Show, Hari Kondabolu (Jimmy Kimmel Live, Comedy Central Presents) and Ashok Kondabolu (of Das Racist), Jessi Klein (Best week Ever, Saturday Night Live) and Victor Varnado (writer for Jimmy Kimmel and Conan O’Brien), with musical guests Bridget & The Squares. Plus, the first 100 people get a free Robicelli’s cupcake! (more…)