Is the mayor of our fair burg a dope smoking drug friend? So say rumors that are probably being fed to people by police who are SO MAD at Mayor Tall. The answer is almost definitely no, because you don’t spend half your life planning to be the mayor of New York City just so to see it all fall apart because you want to take some bong hits before watching Broad City.
Rather than focus on the how the police rebellion under Bill de Blasio is starting to get nasty and weird, we’d rather focus on the important question at hand: Would you get high with Bill de Blasio if given the chance? I would do it, considering I’m not that discriminating about who I smoke weed with. I also think it would start to get a little weird because at his core, de Blasio seems like a nerdy policy wonk and not a guy who’ll watch Sealab 2021‘s “Uh Oh” scene over and over with you. Would other Team Brokelyn members do it though? Let’s see! (more…)
Kind of like this, but at a much louder, more crowded beach. via Flickr user Haceme un 14
Yep, it’s the season for beach reads and summer reading lists. We may be stuck in our cubicles but our minds are on a tropical island somewhere, Singapore Sling in one hand and sexy summah romance novel in the other. Or if you’re like me, you’re in the shaded backyard of a bar hoping that cute girl drinking a beer one the table over there will inquire about your Norton Critical Edition of Don Quixote (the Ormsby translation, naturally) and reveal that she’s a learned scholar in all things Cervantes and would certainly love to get together for drinks and talk about 17th century European literature how’s Tuesday sound perfect here’s my number.
So what’s the rest of team Brokelyn reading this summah? (more…)
The tax police are coming for you. In Russia, maybe.
I finished visiting my tax guy last night and, sweet doubloons of Rangoon, I actually don’t owe the government money for the first time in years. In the year since Uncle Sam last held me upside down to shake the beer money out of my jorts, I got one of them full-time jobs that does things I was apparently incapable of doing, namely paying taxes for me throughout the year. So even though I waited until a week before tax day, you’ll see me rolling into the bank like this before long, and you might even catch me in Rockaway with a long-overdue new stick this summer. Let’s do a tax day check in with the rest of the gang: are we any better than these hipster minstrel show ads? Team Brokelyn, how your taxes is? (more…)
Noah (left) was the breast punner there ever was. Conal was OK too.
If you were lucky enough to have caught Noah Smith dominating at Punderdome (where he was described as a “cast-away Ron Howard” and took away eight championships), or blessed enough to be served by him at Trader Joe’s (where he was described as a “put-together Ron Howard”), then you’ll know why we’re flogging a good-bye comedy show in his honor. A long-time Brokelyn friend, Noah (with help of Punderdome co-host Jo Firestone) is saying goodbye to NYC with a show featuring puns, standup and general feeling of well-being mixed with wistful regret before he moves away. There’s also a bonus Q&A session with a panel of Brokelyn, er, panelists, paneling like no panels past or present. (We’re not just good looks here at Brokelyn.) (more…)
You guys might remember a few months back that I got myself run over by a car shortly before the release of the latest issue of my literary magazine, stretch. It was a great way to promote it, but seeing as how I don’t have another six weeks to spend sitting in a wheelchair, I’m going to go with a more traditional PR route this time. Our long-gestating sixth issue hits the streets on Thursday, and we’re having a party at Brooklyn LaunchPad to celebrate. Along with readings from Annie Horanyi, Robert Tumas, Brokelyn’s own budding media superstar Karina Briski and myself, there’ll be FREE wine and beer and camaraderie to spare. Come by and say hello, meet a few of your favorite Brokelyn authors and maybe even be pleasantly surprised by the fact that I’m not a complete asshole (as a Brokelyn contributor once told me after meeting me). (more…)
Did you know that student loan debt doesn’t factor into your qualifications for food stamps? Neither did Brokelyn’s Caroline Shadood when she bit the pride bullet and went in to apply for government food assistance; and was ultimately rejected. Caroline (who you may remember from such Brokelyn posts as “The inside secrets of retail jobs revealed!” and “Tricks to get big-time buzz for your band“) wrote up her experiences for XO Jane in this piece titled “It happened to me: I was rejected from food stamps,” in which she lays out the humbling and illuminating experience of being broke, in need of food and still considered over-qualified for the program. Writes Caroline: “I have enough self-awareness to accept my privilege (having gone to college and being currently employed, to say the least) and understand that my cultural norms and ideas about poverty are different than someone else’s. I may be in a stint of poverty, rather than lifelong cycles, but who is to know how long the “stint” may be for the duration of paying my loans on time — aka the next 8-10 years.” It’s worth your time to read, especially if you’re hungry and considering your options
Celebrity judge Eileen Reynolds of The New Yorker and the human clap-o-meter.
Park Slope venue Southpaw is closing at the end of this month and we’re all very sad about it. But instead of sitting at home crying into your faded memories of Park Slope past, you oughta come out to enjoy one last, particularly silly hurrah. Tonight is the last iteration of Punderdome 3000 in its original home (a new venue will be announced this evening). Not only is it a grand and goofy chance to show off your groaners and side-splitting wordplay that’s well worth the $5 admission fee, it’s become a popular outing for your favorite brokesters: you can see Conal Darcy,Eric Silver, Kelly Murphy and maybe even Mama Brokelyn herself all try to pun-k me out of my reigning Punderdome crown (and by “crown” I mean “12-piece blender set I won last time”); plus, it’s co-hosted by our new contributor Jo Firestone. Get there early because only the first 24 people to sign up can compete. I’ll include few puns to get you started (you were warned): (more…)
Hello internet users! Because we know our Brokelyn Pinterest, Facebook and Twitter accounts weren’t enough, Brokelyn is now on Tumblr! Why should you follow us there? We’ve put together a list of five reasons.
1. Musings. Our Tumblr is team Brokelyn’s hyperactive sensory appendage on the cerebral cortex of our main blog. That means quotes, photos, reblogs and more things you won’t find on Brokelyn proper. (more…)
Are you tired of reading the same old blog posts? Do you find yourself aimlessly clicking through Wikipedia articles? Just how many times can you scroll through your Facebook feed? Sounds like your suffering from UORF: Useless Online Reading Fatigue! According to leading Internet researchers, one in four adults between the ages of 18 and 85 experiences symptoms related to UORF including mindless link clicking, repetitive scrolling and futile word skimming. If you are seeking relief, look no further. Launched on Jan. 1 and available at absolutely no charge, The Hyp Replacement is a self-published online-based serialized story. It’s the literary jolt you need to get through your day! Appearing in short, easily digestible chapters and combining compelling prose with state-of-the-art social media, The Hyp Replacement follows the daily lives of four characters who share a Brooklyn brownstone. Through Twitter feeds, Tumblr posts, YouTube videos or classic 3rd person narrative, each day’s chapter guarantees thrill from start to finish. So start reading today and never suffer from UORF again! (more…)
Last week we reached 10,000 Twitter followers! Brokelyn would be nothing without our readers and followers who help us crowdsource, spread links around and share tips with your fellow Brooklynites. So we made a special thank you using the most sophisticated technology we could afford: gif magic!