03/13/17 4:44pm
New York City tomorrow, we assume - via Wikimedia

New York City tomorrow, we assume. Photo via Wikimedia

If you’ve made small talk with a single New Yorker today, you know we’re looking at a monumental blizzard tomorrow. The city has already cancelled school tomorrow and issued a hazardous travel advisory, and the National Weather Service says to expect up to a record-breaking 23 inches of snow. And, while a record-breaking nor’easter two weeks after a 70-degree day might sound like the end of days, it hopefully means you’ll get a snow day (providing your job isn’t in the service industry, very, very important, or able to be accomplished with just a MacBook and some Wi-Fi)! This winter being as mild as it has been, this might be your one and only chance to stay at home while mother nature physically prevents you from doing anything but relax.

With that in mind, we’ve got a few suggestions for what you might need to make the most of your natural disaster, both practical and not so much. (more…)

01/25/16 12:55pm
This person's saving up for their spring wardrobe. Image via Brooklyn Baby Social.

This person’s saving up for their spring wardrobe. Image via Brooklyn Baby Social.

If you survived the first blizzard of 2016, by not dying of alcohol poisoning or murdering the person you lived with because they just wanted to watch Narcos all weekend, congratulations! The work however, is not done. The city is still covered with snow that has filled up many stairways and street corners. And you can make some extra money helping them out.

The Sanitation Department needs people to help shovel the streets of the city we all pay too much to live in. Of course, no one wants to spend their entire day shoveling snow, seeing as it’s what a lot of us left the suburbs to avoid. Unlike your childhood home however, the city will pay you for the work, with actual cash, not “moral responsibility” or whatever shill your parents try to pull to avoid opening their wallets. Details below: (more…)

01/21/16 9:04am
Come sit next to me, pour yourself some tea.

Come sit next to me, pour yourself some tea.

After months of freakishly unseasonal warmth that had us hoping maybe we would be able to sneak by another year without buying a real winter coat, winter, as they say, is a’comin. The blizzard about to hit the city Saturday through Sunday could be a doozy, and the Weather Service issued an official blizzard watch this morning. Like most weather and all things in life, it will probably be a big huff of disappointment, and we’ll go yet another year without testing the limits of our drunk sledding skills. But in the meantime, everyone should probably panic. Here’s how Brooklyn is preparing for this winter storm. And if you don’t like the Weather Channel’s chosen “Jonas” name we offer an alternative: DAVID SNOWIE.  (more…)

01/30/15 11:33am
star snow

What does it mean, though? Photos by Faye Penn

For years, Jews have watched in silence as the goyim have reported seeing Jesus in everything from toast to oranges to potatoes, and have gone back and forth between thinking the goyim were a little meshugeh or if they were on to something. It looks like we’ve gotten our answer in the form of the latest snow that blew into town last night, as our own Faye Penn found these Magen David-shaped snow flakes on the floor of her blessed mini-van. Finally, a message from Hashem to his people! What is he trying to say, though? (more…)

01/06/15 9:35am
Denmark don't care. Denmark is kicking our ass, all while enjoying a higher average quality of life than us. DENMARK, guys. They're like 1/100th our size. Step up your game, America. via Copenhagen Cycle Chic

Denmark don’t care. Denmark is kicking our ass, all while enjoying a higher average quality of life than us. DENMARK, guys. They’re like 1/100th our size. Step up your game, America. via Copenhagen Cycle Chic

Conventional wisdom in America holds that the only time for biking is when the weather is nice. Biking may be downright delightful from April to October, but you don’t have to listen to conventional wisdom and give up your two-wheeler when the snowflakes start a-fallin’. After all, conventional wisdom once held that the Earth is the center of the solar system, and look how THAT turned out.

Point is, conventional wisdom is hardly the end of the argument, and you should keep riding bicycles everywhere forever even in the cold, because they’re wonderful, they’re cheap and they keep you in shape. We’ll even tell you how to beat Old Man Winter and keep riding until it warms up. (more…)

snow sculpture

Just hope that these motherfuckers don’t show up. via Flickr user carbonfiberme

We live in a snowy nightmare world now, with the joy of doing things like sledding being replaced with staying home and hiding from the snow by watching movies. Still, as long as the snow is here (and it’s not leaving until we repent for electing godless communist “Red” Bill de Blasio), Brooklyn Bridge Park is gonna make it work for them, by holding a snow sculpture contest tomorrow at noon. You could win ski passes, if you’re somehow not completely sick of snow! (more…)

02/13/14 4:21pm
wu tang clan

Clan in da Front, we’ve got the snow plow

This goddamn fucking snow. We seem completely powerless in the face of it, considering it just keeps coming, no matter how much we try to bargain with the weather to leave us alone. Yes, the snow is all powerful. But is it more powerful than the Wu-Tang Clan, hip-hop’s version of the Super Friends? We say no, but until we can actually get the RZA, the GZA, Method Man, Ghostface Killah, Raekwon, Inspectah Deck, Masta Killa and U-God to show up and use their Shaolin shadowboxing on this stupid winter storm, at least we can watch a Wu-Tang Weather, livestream of Downtown Brooklyn facing the storm, all set to tracks by group or solo Wu-Tang tracks. Look, it’s snowing and we’ve all gone crazy anyway. Plus, if you want rap-based weather experiences, it’s either this or KanyeWeather.

01/22/14 9:38am
winter storm janus

It’s gonna be like this for awhile. Photo by Dave Colon

The snow has snowed and the city has fallen back into the grip of a polar vortex. What a great time to have to go to work! In some ways, it’s more difficult to get to work today than when it was actually snowing yesterday, given that it’s colder and that snow has had a night to freeze to the ground and make things slippery. So, we’d like to know, how was it getting to work today? (more…)

02/08/13 1:23pm
How does something so peaceful cause such a panic? via Flickr user seeareelem

How does something so peaceful cause such a panic? via Flickr user seeareelem

So apparently we’ve got another apocalyptic weather event in progress. Right now it’s only cold and raining, but before you know, New York will be blanketed by white powder at a rate not seen since Blondie was playing CBGB. This means the usual grocery hoarding and meteorological freak outs, but in the wake of Sandy, we guess it helps to actually take bad weather seriously. So Brooklyn, have you stocked up? (more…)

01/11/11 4:05pm

Don't bear the danger of ice any more

Slogging through round II of the Snowpocalypse — and the unplowed remnants of round I —  will probably make you sick of dancing over icy patches in an awkward attempt to not break your face. I’m certainly frustrated, but I refuse to buy an entire 20 lb bag of rock salt just for my building’s three front stairs. Is rock salt really the only option for safely traversing the frozen tundra? I started looking around the apartment for alternatives (that don’t require spending money). To find out what works, we compared some household remedies that may help thaw your budget: (more…)