My fellow Brooklynites, I come to you today in anticipation of the world’s 616th Valentine’s Day. It’s not a holiday created by Hallmark, or a cruel joke played on single souls by all the happy couples of the world. It’s a tribute to love that was first observed as a romantic celebration in 1400. It’s historical, dammit.
Though some couples choose not to celebrate it, the importance of the holiday is certainly not lost on the singles of Brooklyn, who are often left feeling lonelier than ever on Feb. 14. For them, it’s a time to reflect on the past year of dating, the ups and downs of the grand Coney Island Cyclone of love. I’ve already shared my own noteworthy experiences spent looking for love, so this time around I turned my lens on the masses to get a broader picture of the state of modern romance in this fine borough. Is dating in Brooklyn truly harder than it is elsewhere? And is it as beautiful and romantic as the Brooklyn Bridge, or does it suck as much as seven years of suspended L Train service? Ladies and gentlemen, the state of dating in Brooklyn is not strong. (more…)
Isn’t this a sight for sore eyes. via Flickr user Roshan Vyas
Gosh, this is weird. I don’t really know where to start here.
I guess, I’ll start with “hello.” You’re back and up-and-running, and a few of my friends even took you late night and said it was “pretty fine.” They said you “looked like you always did.” I’m glad you got to see them and that it wasn’t weird for you or them. Well, I guess I can’t speak on your behalf – I don’t feel comfortable doing that anymore – but I know my friends were more than ready to use you, and honestly glad you were there.
So, how was your time off? Were you able to get all that work done you were talking about? You made some pretty lofty promises for “change” and “increased efficiency.” Hopefully you won’t go back on your word. Again. (more…)
Yeah, but is she really though? via Flickr user jbc
What is the best way to interact with your fellow humans stuck on the subway with you? Climaxes of 1980s romantic comedies would suggest you get involved in their romantic affairs. Actual real life suggests you should just read a book or stare at the signs, and only interact with your fellow commuters when you need them to get the hell out of the way or to let them know they’re about to step in puke. Should you be hitting on your fellow commuters though? Dating experts that DNA Info talked to think so, to the point where they offered some tips to hit on your fellow passengers. I have a tip on how to effectively hit on your fellow passengers as well: DON’T. (more…)
Okay sure, so Eastern Europe is acting like Legos and NASA recently predicted the end of life as we know it. But we don’t need to deal with that right now, guys! Apparently, the most pressing issue on the minds of this generation is more like: why are we having less sex? Across the pond, The Guardian recently published the results of a study conducted at the University College of London, which claims to have found a steady two-decade decrease in young people fucking.
“What? You said you wanted cookies for Valentine’s Day and you wanted me to be honest.” via Pamela Cooks
People like talking about love on Valentine’s Day, as if it always works out and doesn’t involve massive amount of pain for people. Sure sometimes it works out for you, but just as often, you get hurt and you stay out drinking until 6am to feel better, and wind up in a bar where someone is throwing up and being louder then a jet engine. Anyway, getting dumped: it sucks!
The worst one that happened to me hurt so much because it was so unexpected. I’d been hanging out with a girl for few weeks and thought everything was going just fine. That is until one night after a night of drinking capped off with dinner at a Bushwick falafel joint, I asked her if she wanted to go to a show later that week. Only to have her start with the “I really really want to just go back to being friends” shpiel while we stood in cold outside the food place. That one is tame, especially compared to these other horror stories from Brokelyn contributors, but if you’ve never been dumped out of freaking nowhere in the middle of winter while the fluorescent lights of a cheap falafel place shone on you, you should consider yourself lucky. Because that shit hurts. But maybe not as much as these stories. (more…)
It especially endorses it if you’re as attractive as these two
Even after Valentine’s Day leaves us, your life probably still going to be occurring in a swamp of hormones and the occasional confusing sexual encounter with a friend. Hell, maybe even four or five sexual encounters with a friend. And while you might be wondering if you should be getting your kinda-friend, kinda-sex pixie a valentine, you shouldn’t worry about continuing to have sex with them. Because science has spoken, and found that even dumb college kids can still be friends after crossing the line with each other. The naked line. (more…)
Walking around and looking at things is free, so that helps keeps costs down. via Flickr user mariusz kluzniak
Dating is a thing that people need to do if they’re ever going to find someone to grow old and miserable with. You can find people to have sex with you on Craigslist, but you probably don’t want to set up a joint checking account with that person. So people go on dates, which can be expensive, especially if you’re one of those dumb guys that always insists on paying for everything. A new survey of Match.com users claims that the average single person spends $60/month on dating, which seems kind of low. Is it? (more…)
We all laughed and maybe felt a little bit of embarrassment while we read through the incredible live-tweeted story of “Rachel” and her feckless boyfriend as they broke up on a roof. And now, because this is the internet and this is what we do, the tweets have been acted out and turned into a short film. Finally, lines like “I can’t think in terms of like, time and shit,” “Yeah but what is, like, living together? Like what’s an apartment mean? You know what I’m saying?” “I’m not talking about love on a roof in Brooklyn” and “Why don’t you get pizza with ‘someone from work texts?” have been given glorious life. Look for NBC’s pilot adapted from these tweets next fall! (more…)
Break up in public nowadays and someone’s gonna live blog it.
What did you do with your weekend? Take a leisurely hike? Go grocery shopping? Watch football for two days and drink yourself sick? Well, whatever it was you did, it wasn’t as strange as comedian Kyle Ayers‘ Saturday, who went up to his roof to enjoy the view and ended up being witness to a couple who were breaking up. So of course, he live-tweeted the entire conflagration, and got some very, very strange quotes.
A couple is breaking up on my roof right now. I was just trying to enjoy the view. Now I will live tweet the breakup. #roofbreakup
They’re smiling because she paid for the drinks. via Flickr user Ed Yourdon
True equality is here, or at least a hacky comedian standby can be ripped from bad comedians’ hands, because according to a new study from the American Sociological Association, men are finally comfortable with the idea of women paying on dates. Or maybe “comfortable” isn’t the right word, since the survey found that guys just want women to pay. If Andrea Peyser weren’t on vacation we’re sure she’d have something mean to say about feminists causing this. (more…)