06/16/16 3:17pm
Farewell, Brooklyn's best punchline: The artisanal mayo store got priced out (but maybe not for good)

Empire Mayo’s Vanderbilt Avenue home now has a for-rent sign outside. Photo by Tim Donnelly/Brokelyn.

Nothing has ever landed on our doorstep in quite such a neatly wrapped bundle of punchlines as the Brooklyn artisanal mayonnaise store, which opened in Prospect Heights in 2012. It became shorthand for just how far Brooklyn’s food preciousness had gone, rescuing even lowly mayonnaise from the depths of low-class condiment prison into Empire Mayo’s small shop on already excessively cute Vanderbilt Avenue. SNL joked about it, Good ran a story titled “Why mayonnaise matters in the gentrification debate,” the Wall Street Journal wrote simply “Yes, artisanal mayo.”

You might need a new small business strawman to pick on soon: Empire Mayo is closing its store at the end of July, though the brand will probably live on online or in another store TBD. (more…)

05/03/16 3:52pm
The 5 best spots for Haitian food in Brooklyn, and how to order like a local at each one

Chiktay herring at La Caye. Thank me later.

I grew up in Flatbush, Brooklyn, and I never really felt like I “fit.” The neighborhood was largely Caribbean, but the only people I had interactions with were my fellow Haitians. Most of the kids in my school were either Irish or Italian, and I was one of three black students in my class. It’s safe to say I didn’t identify with any of my peers on a cultural level — especially where food was concerned. New York is America’s little melting pot, and there are dozens of restaurants that represent each respective country. But this has never been the case with Haitian restaurants.

Once I got to college, I made it my duty to throw house parties for my friends whenever I came back home to Brooklyn between semesters. I would beg my mother to prepare a buffet of traditional Haitian food for my friends to try. Everybody loved those parties, and I’ve wanted to share the food with friends and strangers ever since.

Good Haitian food takes love and time— from cleaning the meat, to seasoning it using authentic imported spices, to ritual meals like soup joumou, a yellow pumpkin soup we eat on New Years’ Day. And while I’d love to have my mom cook you all some Haitian food, it’s much easier to share my secrets about where else you can get the good stuff. So here’s a list of the best Haitian restaurants in Brooklyn. If you’re feeling really adventurous, double down (get it?) with our Caribbean snack crawl picks along the way.  (more…)

01/20/16 10:00am
Free! Free! Free! via Flickr user Kent Wang

Free! Free! Free! via Flickr user Kent Wang

Brooklyn is a land of so much culture, with the beating heart of it found in the Brooklyn Museum (seriously though, they don’t tell you this, but there’s a literal giant beating heart pumping culture into the borough in a secret sub-basement in the museum). All that culture takes money, but sometimes you don’t have the cash to see it. Well, leave your squeamishness about giving tiny donations at the door behind, because starting Jan. 21, every Thursday night at the Brooklyn Museum will have free admission from 6pm to 10pm, per a press release from the Museum. (more…)

01/12/16 1:00pm
j'eatjet? brunch

At j’eatjet it’s more like moremosa, Photo by Dave Rosado

[We updated this list for January 2016 and added some new spots so everything is up to date!-ed.]

Brunch: it’s that magical meal that’s somehow both over- AND underrated. It’s a great way to start a weekend or coast through a Sunday morning hangover, a meal where you can order a boozy drink and loudly proclaim “It’s five o’clock somewhere, right? Who cares? It’s brunch o’clock here!” to the hearty enjoyment of nobody, because come on. Brunch can also be expensive, as day drinking is apparently a fancy affair once you introduce a fruit cup to the occasion.

Still, there’s no need to be one of the five richest kings of Europe to get your boozy brunch on. Instead of buying a sixer of Milwaukee’s Best to drink alongside some hastily-made scrambled eggs at home, class it up by heading to these eighteen restaurants (!) which offer the best Brooklyn unlimited brunch drink specials.  (more…)

01/05/16 9:15am
It's hotter than you know. Photo by Daniel Lahr, via LiveScience

It’s hotter than you know. Photo by Daniel Lahr, via LiveScience

It’s Tuesday, the fifth day of the year, and we’re finally leaving things like 2015’s extended summer and Charlotte Flair being a face and staying home and being boring behind. The easiest way to avoid that last one is to look at the Brokelyn Events Calendar, but especially these awesome things I found on it, which are not just the best picks from the events calendar but the best picks for how to spend your night in general. (more…)

01/04/16 9:47am
Pick the right one, or they might murder you next

Pick the right one, or they might murder you next

Well, it’s the first Monday of 2016, and after the long weekend we just had, your first thought was probably to go back to bed instead of waking up for work. Maybe you’re even still in bed now, reading this on your phone. Technology these days really is a miracle. Anyway, you gotta get up and go to work, but there’s also a bunch of great ways to spend your first Monday night of 2016, per the Brokelyn Event Calendar. So there’s that to look forward to! (more…)

12/22/15 11:59am
Say goodbye to 2015 in style at any of these great parties. via Facebook

Say goodbye to 2015 in style at any of these great parties. via Facebook

There are only a few more days of 2015 left! Whether you are filled with hope, melancholy or dread for the upcoming year, don’t let the old one go out with a whimper. Even if you didn’t get invited to any killer house parties this year, you don’t have to schlep into Manhattan to find an awesome party. From booze to burlesque and food to fireworks, there are plenty of Brooklyn New Year’s Eve events and activities in every neighborhood to fit any-sized budget. (more…)

12/21/15 8:17am
tk

Have a great night with some great apes at Videology

Haha, man oh man, who cares that it’s Monday? The city is gonna be shutting down by like Wednesday afternoon, so whatever, go to work today and don’t complain. Once work is done, there’s still a bunch of stuff you can find to do tonight thanks to the Brokelyn Events Calendar. It’s gonna be a good week for you, unless of course you work at a place that doesn’t respect your wishes to slow the hell down around Christmas. (more…)

12/10/15 8:37am
Bye, Greg!

Bye, Greg!

Welcome to Thursday, or as I like to call it, “Workweek Friday.” It helps the week go by faster if you dumb names for the days of the week instead of what The Man wants you to call them. I could go over all the names with you, but I think it’s better use of both my time and yours to just present you with a bunch of fun things to do tonight on Workweek Friday Night, things found on the Brokelyn Event Calendar. It’s useful! (more…)

12/07/15 8:48am
muppet christmas

No matter how fun your family is, their Christmas is probably more fun

It’s Monday and you’re feeling bad. I get it, it’s normal. On the other hand, think about this: the Brokelyn/skint No Office party is next week, and then the week after that is when the annual “Fuck off from everything because Christmas is this week” begins and then after that it’s New Year’s Eve, the best day of the year. Take the long view, but also take the short view, today, right now, because there’s great stuff to do on the Brokelyn Events Calendar. (more…)