There are some things you’re just going to have to say over and over again. via Madten
‘Tis not exactly the season to be jolly — the first of fall and winter’s family-centric holidays has already been marred by this year’s election, the results of which may well have divided your family into pro and anti-Trump camps. And while it’s no doubt as hard to be a Republican in a Democratic family as it is the other way around, in this case we declare that the pendulum of insanity swings only one way.
But the last thing you need at a holiday meal is to get into an argument with a Trump supporter. For one, yelling cuts into turkey time. What’s more, Thanksgiving is a time of erasure. It’s the one time a year when we actively gloss over the bloody history of our once indigenous nation, and gather hands to forget what we did. So,why not do the same with politics? Even if most of your family voted for Hillary, there’s a chance that at least one of the olds at the table didn’t, and the best thing to do is redirect any hints of political conversation to a different topic.
There are plenty of resources on how to talk to pro-Trump family, and there’s definitely an argument for that. But we’re here to tell you how to avoid, avoid, avoid, because that’s also something you might have to do for your own sanity. We’ve put together a condensed guide to topics of conversation you might have to divert, with solutions that are about as neutral as a Jerry Seinfeld routine! Feel free to borrow any of these ideas and get ready to have a peaceful holiday meal with the elephant in the room. (more…)
Step aside, Nate Silver! There’s a new authority on presidential polls in town: Seamless.
The food delivery giant ran its own poll during the presidential debate Monday night to see whether lazy, hungry millenials prefer Hillary Clinton or Donald Trump. Or, at least, to see whose supporters were lazier, hungrier and more likely to order Seamless on a Monday night.
Customers were given a discount on the night of the debate using competing coupon codes “IMWITHHER” and “IMWITHHIM,” and it should be no great surprise which code was more popular in New York, at least amongst people who understand how to order food on the Internet. And who better to predict the future of our country than the No. 1 service of New York’s softest millennials?
It looks like Trump was right to fear “cyber,” evidently, as Seamless’ poll results were a landslide for Hillary, to the tune of 82% to 18%. Looks like those 400 lb. hackers are ordering in with a vengeance. (more…)
For five years, New York had a man…we won’t say a hero, because what’s a hero? We’re talking about Jimmy McMillan here, the heart and soul of the Rent Is Too Damn High Party, the man who made a name for himself since bursting on the scene in 2010 with six simple words: “The rent is too damn high.” Sometimes, there’s a man, well, he’s the man for his time and place. He fits right in there. And we’re sad to tell you today that Jimmy McMillan has decided to throw in the damn towel. (more…)
Well, we didn’t say the dogs would like it. Photo by Scott Lynch
It’s been months since he entered the presidential race, and Donald Trump’s lead in the polls might not be a stranglehold, but it does continue to exist. America’s richest racist uncle is here to stay for the foreseeable future, and that means weird stunts based around his campaign can keep happening. Today’s weird stunt is brought to you by the Trump-baiting piñata smashers at Ratter, who rather than choosing a hat-based challenge to Trump like Mayor Tall, are asking people to pick up their dog poop with Trump poop bags. Of course, they need someone to hand out those bags so that Trump’s face can wind up shit-smeared and buried in trash cans across our great city, and you can be that person. Even better, you can get paid. (more…)
The thing about being a high-profile public servant who tries to pretend to be normal and do things like ride the subway is that sometimes your constituents will talk you into doing crazy things. This exact thing happened to Bill de Blasio yesterday when he instead of just settling for a selfie on the J train with Mayor Tall, Alvin Javier got de Blasio to agree to challenge Obama to a game of one-on-one, which was then blown up by New York Magazine. De Blasio better pray to whatever Basketball Gods are out there that Obama doesn’t actually move here and take him up on that challenge, because it would just be embarrassing for everyone.
We would rather chop off our hands than see Brooklyn overrun with shitbirds like this for even a day, much less a week
In case you didn’t know, there’s a presidential election in 2016. For president of America. And while ordinarily New Yorkers could just exist in our bubble of smug liberal satisfaction at the fact that we’re not, well, the rest of America, Mayor “Red” Bill de Blasio might pierce that bubble. According to the Brooklyn Paper, he’s trying to attract the DNC and all of its horrible functionaries, hangers-on and political hacks to the Barclays Center. If Barack Obama was ever really gonna cancel the 2016 election, seize our guns and declare himself king, this would be a great time to do it. (more…)
Are the British available to burn down THIS government building?
Hey, what’s up freelancers, poors and other people who used to have health insurance. Did you guys enjoy purchasing health insurance from an online exchange that actually worked? We know we did. You know who didn’t enjoy you doing that was the New York State Senate’s Republican/weird Democratic friends majority, who are now trying to defund the exchange, because they want to prove they’re as crazy and obstructionist as their counterparts in Washington, DC. (more…)
“Laugh all you want. I own an island.” Photo by Madelyn Owens
We touched on it in our previous story about the de Blasio inauguration, but Mike Bloomberg was not a happy camper while he was there. How unhappy was he? Despite the celebratory atmosphere all around him, we couldn’t find one picture of the man smiling. Join us, for one last retrospective of Grumpy Mike Bloomberg being grumpy. (more…)
Not quite royals, but they don’t seem to mind. Photo by Madelyn Owens
The last time New York City welcomed a new mayor on New Year’s Day, it was January 1, 2002. It was, needless to say, a very different time. The shock of September 11 still hadn’t dissipated, and in the shadow of that horror, Michael Bloomberg kept his inauguration theatrics low. (Someone who worked at that event recalled seeing snipers positioned on the roof of City Hall.)
Twelve years later, on January 1, 2014, Bill de Blasio stepped up to take the oath of office in a festive atmosphere, with a meticulously executed piece of political theater that matched the exuberance of the wave he was elected on. With a ceremony that at times felt less like an assumption of office and more like a political rally, de Blasio, comptroller Scott Stringer and public advocate Letitia James took their oaths of office and exhorted the assembled crowd at City Hall Park to help them reestablish New York as a progressive capital.
If you want Bill de Blasio to win more than a Jamaican Jerk chicken cook-off, pay attention. via Facebook
So you’ve been wading through news articles about and hospital closings and sexting and bike lanes and sexting, and you think you know who you’re going to vote for in November. That’s nice and all, but you’re forgetting a very important detail: before the general election, the city holds primaries to determine who’s on the ballot for the general election. The primaries are September 10, and the deadline to register is August 21 (postmarked by August 16). (more…)